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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, there is a debate about the effectiveness of using longer prision sentences to combat crime. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving longer prision sentences to criminals?

In today`s fast-paced world, in many nations, people have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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conflicts about the impact of longer captivity to combat
crime
Use synonyms
. The benefits of the
jail
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 to stop criminal
offense
Use the right word
offences
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 and give
lesson
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a lesson
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 to others,
while
Linking Words
 the drawbacks are
the
Correct word choice
that the
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 government
face
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 more expenses on
criminals
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the family of any criminal can go on
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
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 track.
To begin
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 with, the advantages of the long
camptivity
Correct your spelling
captivity
 of the offenders, to stop
crime
Use synonyms
 in a
society
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.
Due to
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this
Linking Words
, if police
get
Verb problem
catch
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 any wanted person,
then
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court
Correct article usage
the court
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decide
Correct subject-verb agreement
decides
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 to keep them behind
the
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apply
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bar
Fix the agreement mistake
bars
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, because it can reduce
crime
Use synonyms
 in
a
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the
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 public.
Moreover
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, if
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this kind
Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
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 of people stay in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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jail
Use synonyms
,
then
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 other most-wanted
criminals
Use synonyms
 may stop the
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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with
Change preposition
out
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 a fear. Everyone can live life peacefully if these
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of people
stays
Correct subject-verb agreement
stay
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 in prison.
For example
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, there was an article in the Times of India which says
Correct article usage
a lenghthy
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lenghthy
Correct your spelling
lengthy
 punishment to the
dengerous
Correct your spelling
dangerous
 offender can reduce
crime
Use synonyms
 in the
society
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, and
also
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
the
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 police can focus on their work.
On the other hand
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, the
conseqences
Correct your spelling
consequences
 of the longer
jail
Use synonyms
Check wording
term is
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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the
Correct word choice
that the
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 ministry may
face
Use synonyms
 more
expences
Use the right word
expenses
show examples
.
As a result
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, the
hard earned
Use the right word
hard-earned
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 money of the taxpayers can go behind the
criminals
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 may reduce
a
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the
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facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
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 of a
comon
Correct your spelling
common
 citizen.
Furthermore
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, the family of the
criminals
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 may
face
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 a financial struggle, which may keep their
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
 uneducated.
Linking Words
This
Fix the agreement mistake
These
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childrens
Correct your spelling
children
 can do similar activities in future, without prior education.
For instance
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, there was
a
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apply
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research done by Western Sydney University which mentioned the authorities
face
Use synonyms
 high expenses for
prision
Correct your spelling
prison
, which results in a lower budget for development, and the
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
 of the prisoners may get lower
ecucation
Correct your spelling
education
, which
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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same
Correct article usage
the same
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 threat to
society
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, longer
prision
Correct your spelling
prison
can
Check wording
sentences can
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impacted
Wrong verb form
impact
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 the
crime
Use synonyms
 rate of the
society
Use synonyms
, but the spending of money the
jail
Use synonyms
 is too expensive, which may
affcets
Correct your spelling
affect
 the budget of the government, and
ended
Wrong verb form
end
show examples
 up with lower development.

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task response
Your introduction should be clearer. Start by stating the topic directly without using unclear phrases like 'have a conflicts'.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main point. Some points are mixed together, making it hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check your spelling and grammar. Words like 'prision' should be 'prison', and 'expences' should be 'expenses'.
task response
Use more clear examples. For instance, when you mention the Times of India, briefly explain what the article said.
content
You have made some good points about the advantages and disadvantages of longer prison sentences.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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