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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries

the graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries
The line graph illustrates the global
water
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 consumption of three different sectors—namely
agriculture
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,
industrial
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industry
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, and domestic—between 1900 and 2000. The table demonstrates the specific data of
Brazil
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 and
Correct article usage
the Democractic
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Democractic
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Democratic
 Republic of Congo’s
water
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 use in 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 the amount of
water
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 used all over the world showed an
increase
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increasing
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 trend,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
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agriculture’s
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agriculture
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 rose significantly,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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domestic slightly. The
water
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cosumption
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consumption
 in
Brazil
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 was higher than
Congo
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in Congo
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 during 2000, owing to its larger population. In 1900, the
number
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amount
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 of
water
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 used in
agriculture
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were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 highest at 500 km3, industrial and
domastic
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domestic
 followed with much lower
number
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numbers
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 at just over 50 km3. Over the next 5 decades,
the
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apply
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agriculture
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 increased gradually at around 1000 km3
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
, the figure for
water
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 used in domestic and industrial
Check wording
purposes remianed
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remianed
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remained
 stable. After 1950,
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agriculture
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agricultural
show examples
water
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 use continued its upward trend and rose rapidly, reaching its peak at 3000km3 in 2000. During the same period, the
industrial
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industry
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 experienced a noticeable growth and widened the gap between the domestic ones after 1960, reaching nearly 1000 and 300km3 respectively. In the year
of
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apply
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2000,
the
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apply
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Brazil
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’s
agriculture
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 and personal
water
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cosumption
Correct your spelling
consumption
was
Verb problem
apply
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exceeded Cango. The figure for irrigated
water
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 in
Brazil
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 was 26500
km
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^2, which was
quiet
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quite
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 larger than Cango with 100
km
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^2
water
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cosumption
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consumption
 in
agriculture
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. At the same time, the population in
Brazil
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 was more than
Cango
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in Cango
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 too, which was 176 and 5.2 million
seperately
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respectively
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, agriculture, brazil, km with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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