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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagrams below compare the layout of a typical Japanese office and a typical American office. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below compare the layout of a typical Japanese office and a typical American office. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The maps provide information concerning the comparison between Japanese and American
Use synonyms
office
Fix the agreement mistake
offices
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that
American
Correct article usage
the American
show examples
office
Use synonyms
 has individual space for
Use synonyms
manager
Correct article usage
the manager
show examples
 position.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Japanese does not have
rooms
Use synonyms
 for them
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 managers sit at the front of the tables.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the style of Japanese
office
Use synonyms
 does not have personal space for each
employees
Fix the agreement mistake
employee
show examples
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
which
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 they sit together
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
 section managers.
However
Linking Words
, the department
manager
Use synonyms
 is the only one
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 has to stay
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the top of
map
Correct article usage
the map
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
near
Verb problem
is near
show examples
 the window and alone.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, American
Use synonyms
office
Fix the agreement mistake
offices
show examples
organize
Use the right word
organise
show examples
rooms
Use synonyms
 better. To illustrate, all facility
rooms
Use synonyms
 are located
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the left side of the
office
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as ;copy room, storage and two conference
rooms
Use synonyms
.
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
 workers have personal zones which are located in the middle.
Therefore
Linking Words
, section
managers
Check wording
managers'
show examples
 and department
Use synonyms
manager
Fix the agreement mistake
managers
show examples
rooms
Use synonyms
 are
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the right side of the map. The department
manager
Use synonyms
 has the biggest room.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words office, manager, rooms with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "maps" was used 3 times.
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