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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie chart below shows the frequency of U.S. Adults’ online purchasing habits in 2015, while the bar chart shows a further classification denoting online purchasing preferences. Umar 2

The pie chart below shows the frequency of U.S. Adults’ online purchasing habits in 2015, while the bar chart shows a further classification denoting online purchasing preferences. Umar 2
The pie chart illustrates
Correct article usage
the precntage
show examples
precntage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
U.S.Older
Replace the word
U.S. older adults
show examples
 who shop online (weekly , a few times a month , less often ,and never ) in 2015.
Linking Words
Overall
Punctuation problem
Overall,
show examples
 the high
number
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 in Less often
an
Use the right word
and
show examples
 A few
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 a month .
In contrast
Linking Words
, the lower numbers were in weekly and never . Looking at the pie
chart
Punctuation problem
chart,
show examples
 we can notice that the
figuers
Correct your spelling
figures
 indicated showed
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 in people who shop online less often
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 37
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is followed by a few times a month
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 28 % . Next , never and weekly by 29% and 15% respectively. The bar chart gives information about Shopping preferences of US older people who purchase online ( all online
shoppers
Use synonyms
, weekly online
shoppers
Use synonyms
 , monthly online
shoppers
Use synonyms
 ,and less often online
shopper
Fix the agreement mistake
shoppers
show examples
).
it
Fix capitalization
It
show examples
 can be clear to see
Buy
Wrong verb form
that buying
show examples
 in physical
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
show examples
 has a high
number
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
among
show examples
 all online
shoppers
Use synonyms
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 just under 70%
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
After that
monthly
Punctuation problem
, monthly
show examples
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 almost 60 % , and less often
online
Punctuation problem
, online
show examples
shoppers
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
had the highest
number
Use synonyms
 80% except weekly online
Use synonyms
shoppers
Punctuation problem
shoppers,
show examples
 the
Buy
Replace the word
buying
show examples
 online was higher
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 almost 60 % .

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, shoppers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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