IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries there is a shortage of suitable people for essential jobs. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measure could be taken to solve?

There is an ongoing
concerns
Fix the agreement mistake
concern
show examples
 about the lack of
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employees
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 fit the requirements
are needed
Verb problem
apply
show examples
. I am convinced that the main causes of
this
Linking Words
 problem are not having enough learning, and the
highier expections
Correct your spelling
higher expectations
 of companies over time, with
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
 features.
Whereas
Linking Words
, to solve
this
Linking Words
states
Punctuation problem
, states
show examples
 must take actions, as well
to
Change preposition
as
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies. On one hand, a portion of people tuned
to not
Correct word order
not to
show examples
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
increasingly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
over the years,
so
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 would reduce the rate of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
educated humans,
therefore
Linking Words
will lead
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to
declining
Replace the word
a decline
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
supplys
Correct your spelling
supply
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and raising on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
demands
Fix the agreement mistake
demand
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
workers.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the governments should be held accountable for
this
Linking Words
, and search for a viable
solutions
Fix the agreement mistake
solution
show examples
, like
constructe
Correct your spelling
constructing
various
Correct word choice
a large
show examples
 number of colleges and schools,
additionly
Correct your spelling
additionally
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 the tuition process free to make them excited for learning.
For instance
Linking Words
, a
reaserch
Correct your spelling
research
 has
showed
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
 that the key indicator of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
successful nations is
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 useful and smart in their profession . On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, the investment that companies take will
highier
Correct your spelling
higher
 up the
expections
Correct your spelling
expectations
 of the
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
 qualifications, and with the low salaries they
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
.
In other words
Linking Words
, with a lot of tasks they spend more time in the work
facilites
Correct your spelling
facilities
, with no
worth
Correct word choice
worthwhile
show examples
 outcomes,
ecpecially
Correct your spelling
especially
 when there is
not
Rephrase
no
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significat
Correct your spelling
significant
 salary they offer. So,
campanies
Correct your spelling
companies
 must offer
highier
Correct your spelling
higher
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 that fit the job and
also
Linking Words
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
 features, like health
insurence
Correct your spelling
insurance
.
For example
Linking Words
, the facilities that
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 a comfortable work environment
tund
Correct your spelling
tend
 to have more stable and
strong
Replace the word
stronger
show examples
wrokforce
Correct your spelling
workforce
they
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 suits their essential jobs.
For
Change preposition
In
show examples
conclude
Replace the word
conclusion
show examples
, the shortage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strong workforce
empolyees
Correct your spelling
employees
 is linked
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the lack of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
 and the
campanies
Correct your spelling
companies
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 states must act to
slove
Use the right word
solve
show examples
this
Linking Words
 by increasing the learning places, as to
the
Correct article usage
that
show examples
campany
Correct your spelling
companies
 must develop their features to
meat
Use the right word
meet
show examples
 the job.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and stays focused on that idea. Try to use linking words to connect your sentences and ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
Provide clearer examples to support your points, like mentioning specific jobs or sectors that face shortages. This will help strengthen your argument.
language accuracy
Check for grammatical errors and spelling mistakes to improve overall clarity and professionalism. This includes correcting words like 'highier' to 'higher' and others in your essay.
task achievement
Your introduction presents the topic clearly, and you identify the main issues surrounding job shortages.
task achievement
You show a good understanding of the importance of education and salary in job suitability, which is a crucial point.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • shortage
  • suitable
  • essential jobs
  • causes
  • measures
  • education
  • skills
  • workers
  • migration
  • opportunities
  • rural areas
  • poor working conditions
  • low pay
  • attractive
  • potential
What to do next:
Look at other essays: