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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in different years

The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in different years
The pie charts give detailed information about the distribution of television among 18- to 25-year-olds in Canada
in
Change preposition
over
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a
Correct article usage
the
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decade
Correct word choice
past decade
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.
Overall
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, the proportion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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conventional TVs recorded the highest decrease,
whereas
Linking Words
 the number for the flat-screen TVs saw an opposite trend.
It is clear that
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 the percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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conventional TVs made up the highest of the graph in 2009 (at 34%)
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
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, its rate saw a
dramatically
Replace the word
dramatic
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 decrease after ten years, falling to 4%.
Moreover
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, the laptop and desktop computer usage accounted for 20% and 18%, and
then
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, both declined to only 12%
at the end
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 of the year.
By comparison
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, the rate of the other three devices experienced an increase over the period given. The flat-screen
TV use
Use the right word
TVs
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 has risen by 19%, reaching
at
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apply
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27%, which was the largest proportion, among the young in 2019. Having accounted for 5% in
initial
Correct article usage
the initial
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 year, the figure of the tablets increased sharply to 19%. The percentage of mobile phones has
also
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 grown in
this
Linking Words
 period, rising from 15% to 26%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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