IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Others believe that they should start school at least 7 years old. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe
children
Use synonyms
 should go to
school
Use synonyms
 when they are young, maybe around 3 or 4 years old. Some others believe that
children
Use synonyms
 going to
school
Use synonyms
 at 7 is good.
This
Linking Words
 essay will look at both ideas and give my opinion. On the one hand, the
children
Use synonyms
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to
school
Use synonyms
 soon can help them
faster
Verb problem
learn faster
show examples
. The
children
Use synonyms
 can learn to read, write and talk with their friends.
This
Linking Words
 idea helps them be smarter.
For example
Linking Words
, in the Thai Lan, the
children
Use synonyms
 have to go to
school
Use synonyms
 at 3
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 old , and
this
Linking Words
 education is good.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people think
children
Use synonyms
 should play at home more
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they believe
children
Use synonyms
 under 7 years old don't need to go to
school
Use synonyms
. They need more time to play
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
with their family.
For example
Linking Words
, in Viet Nam,
children
Use synonyms
 go to
school
Use synonyms
 at 7 years old and education in Viet
Nam's
Check wording
Nam
show examples
 is good. In my opinion, I think
children
Use synonyms
 should go to
school
Use synonyms
 at 7. I think
children
Use synonyms
 need more time for play and with their family. In conclusion, both ideas are good , but I think that
children
Use synonyms
 should go to
school
Use synonyms
 at 7 .

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task achievement
Your introduction gives a clear topic, but it could be clearer about what you believe. Consider stating your opinion more directly.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use better linking words to connect your ideas. Phrases like 'firstly', 'on the other hand', and 'in conclusion' can help more.
task achievement
In the supporting ideas, make sure to explain why those points are important. You should add more details to make your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Check your spelling and grammar. Words like '3 year old' should be '3 years old', and 'Thai Lan' should be 'Thailand'.
task achievement
You clearly stated both sides of the argument, which is very good.
task achievement
You provided examples from Thailand and Vietnam, which strengthens your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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