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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information on the number of workers in different occupations who migrated to Australia betwween 2009 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below gives information on the number of workers in different occupations who migrated to Australia betwween 2009 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
the
Fix capitalization
The
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 bar chart illustrates the number of skilled workers in four various sectors-accountants, cooks, software engineers and computer programmers who migrated
in
Change preposition
to
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australia
Fix capitalization
Australia
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 between 2009 and 2012. The figures are presented in thousands.
Overall
Linking Words
, accountants and software engineers consistently had the highest numbers of migrants each year,
while
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 computer programmers accounted
the
Change preposition
for the
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 lowest figures throughout the period. Most occupations experienced slight fluctuations but remained relatively stable in general.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, accountants saw the highest migration in 2010 at around 30000, followed by a
little
Correct word choice
slight
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 decline over the next two years.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, software engineers
also
Linking Words
 witnessed a steady
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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, peaking in 2011 at approximately 23000, before falling slightly in 2012.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, cooks showed minor variation, with figures oscillating between 15000 and 17000 across the period.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the migrants of computer
programmer
Fix the agreement mistake
programmers
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 remained significantly lower, though there was a gradual increase
about
Change preposition
from about
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 5000 in 2009
ro
Correct your spelling
to
 nearly 8000 in 2012.

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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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