IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table and pie chart illustrate populations in Australia according to different nationalities and areas. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table and pie chart illustrate populations in Australia according to different nationalities and areas. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie chart provides information concerning the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
 who are
Australian
Use synonyms
, British, New
Zealander
Fix the agreement mistake
Zealanders
show examples
, Chinese,
Dutch
Use synonyms
 and other. The table shows the data where
people
Use synonyms
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
 are staying in
Use synonyms
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
 or
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that most
people
Use synonyms
 living in
Australia
Use synonyms
 are
Australian
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 80%
are living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in the
city
Use synonyms
. The least
Verb problem
represented nationalities
show examples
nationalities
Fix the agreement mistake
nationality
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
Dutch
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
which
Use the right word
with
show examples
 83%
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in the
city
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with pie chart
Verb problem
shows, The
show examples
, The
Correct your spelling
that the
 majority percentages are
Australian
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 73%.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 other nationalities are second ,at 14%. Moving to the other group, British, New
Zealander
Fix the agreement mistake
Zealanders
show examples
, Chinese
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
Dutch
Use synonyms
 are 7%, 3%, 2% and 1%, respectively. Moving to the table,
Chinese citizens most
Correct word order
most Chinese citizens
show examples
 are living in the
city
Use synonyms
 ,that are 99% ,
only
Correct word choice
and only
show examples
 1% are staying in the countryside.
Secondly
Linking Words
, only 10% of New
Zealander
Fix the agreement mistake
Zealanders
show examples
 are in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, British and
Dutch
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 are in the town ,which are
89
Correct your spelling
89%
 and 83% of them, respectively.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
Australian
Use the right word
Australians
show examples
 who have the
most
Correct word choice
largest
show examples
populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
show examples
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
 are staying in the
city
Use synonyms
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
, at 80%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "secondly".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, australia, australian, dutch, city with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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