IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Due to
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 medical advancements, various diseases are curable nowadays, but most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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 living in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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underdeveloped
countries
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 are still dying with
such
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 diseases that are curable.
This
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 happens because of their affordability challenges for expensive medical treatments. So, it is opined by many that
drug
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companies
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 should provide medical products
such
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 as medicines, vaccines, and syringes to these
countries
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 at reduced prices.
However
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, I agree to
this
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 view up to a certain extent as I believe the relevant government authorities, or other world-level
organizations
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organisations
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, should
also
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 come forward to help these
countries
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.
To begin
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 with, as a part of their corporate social responsibility,
drug
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companies
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 should take the initiative to provide medical products to needy
countries
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 at minimal prices, and eventually, more
people
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 could afford the required medical treatments on time, and save their lives.
Additionally
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,
drug
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companies
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' primary vision is to improve
people
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's
health
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 around the globe. To fulfil
this
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 vision, they are persistently investing time and money in research and development projects. Unfortunately, their efforts would not be worthwhile if their medical breakthroughs
are
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were
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 only meant for rich
people
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.
Hence
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, for balanced achievement of their businesses' vision, they must take some necessary steps,
such
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 as providing medication to poor nations at lower costs, which would help to bring happiness and good
health
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 around the globe.
On the other hand
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, it is not an easy task for pharmaceutical
companies
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 to serve all the
people
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 in third-level
countries
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, who are below the poverty line, as it is an expensive affair.
Thus
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, poor
community'
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communities'
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 governments themselves should
also
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 provide subsidies on medical treatments to their poor citizens, and ultimately, they would be able to get the right treatment on time. Apart from that, world-level organisations, namely, the World
Health
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Organization
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Organisation
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, must provide medical benefits to poor
people
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, ensuring a large proportion of individuals are served by their help.
Lastly
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, non-profit organisations around the globe
,
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apply
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 should
also
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 join hands together
,
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apply
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 and set up
health
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 assistant projects for poor
countries
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, which
ensures
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ensure
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 good
health
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 for poor
people
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. In conclusion, it is not only a responsibility of
drug
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companies
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 to provide
health
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 assistance to poor
countries
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 or their
people
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; it is a collaborative approach, where all the international organisations should come forward to help
people
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 living in poor
countries
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, ensuring the uplifting of their
health
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 standards.

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Task Achievement
You provided a clear response to the question and included relevant reasons for your opinion. However, adding more specific examples or statistics could further strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs. To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph connects smoothly to the next one, perhaps by using more linking phrases.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction is good, but try to make it more engaging. A strong, clear thesis statement at the end could help set up your main points better.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes well, but it could be even stronger if it briefly restates your main arguments. Make sure to bring all your points together in the end.
Task Achievement
You have a clear position on the topic, stating your opinion clearly in the introduction. This helps guide the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your use of topic sentences in paragraphs helps the reader understand the main ideas clearly.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pharmaceuticals
  • Generic drugs
  • Patent laws
  • Healthcare disparity
  • Subsidies
  • Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs)
  • Intellectual property
  • Epidemiology
  • Affordability
  • Global health initiatives
  • Corporate social responsibility
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