IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Improving the
lives
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 of
humans
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 should be the most essential goal of science. In my personal opinion, I agree that scientists should give the most attention to improving
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humans'
Fix the agreement mistake
human'
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lives
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.
However
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, I
also
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 believe that learning science should be aimed at improving
animals
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'
lives
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. First and foremost, upgrading people's
lives
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 is the most important goal, because our
lives
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 are the most precious thing that we have, so we should focus on improving them so that we can make it easier.
Moreover
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, we should not waste our time improving other things that are less important than our
lives
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.
For instance
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, people should aim to take care of their
lives
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 and their health rather than focusing on improving something
that is
Linking Words
 related to video games.
Furthermore
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, from my point of view, I strongly think that we should give some attention to
animals
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'
lives
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 because they cannot do that for themselves.
However
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,
animals
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 can help
humans
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to
Verb problem
apply
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relax and feel comfortable.
In addition
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,
animals
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 will love
humans
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 when they try to help them. 
Linking Words
also
Fix capitalization
Also
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, they will be more loyal, and they will defend
humans
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. As an illustration, a recent study gives information that any animal can be loyal to
humans
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 when they help them, even the lion. In conclusion, scientists should learn science in order to improve
our
Correct pronoun usage
their
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lives
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, because it is the most precious thing, and they
also
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 should try to help
animals
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 in improving their
lives
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, because they are weak.
As a result
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, they will be loyal to
humans
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, and they will protect them.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your overall opinion. This can help readers understand your view right away.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more clearly. For example, explain how helping animals can also help people.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, summarize your main points more clearly. This makes it easier for readers to remember your arguments.
task achievement
You provide a clear opinion on the topic, which is good for task achievement.
task achievement
You have relevant examples, like citing a study about animals, which enhances your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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