IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people find it difficult to manage their money. How could the government help prevent debt problems and support such people?

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Introduction
Nowadays, many
people
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 have a problem with
money
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. They don'
t
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 manage their
money
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 and sometimes have
debt
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 loans. In
this
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 essay, I will explain how the
government
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 can help them with
this
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 problem.
Body paragraph 1
The
Correct determiner usage
First
show examples
first,
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the
government
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 should give
people
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 study
money
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. Many
people
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 don'
t
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 know how to save
money
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 or have a plan for using
money
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. If the
government
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 give
money
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 to the school, young
people
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 can learn how to use
money
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, make a budget and save
money
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.
Body paragraph 2
The
second,
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the
government
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 can give advice for free to some
people
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 who have a problem with
money
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. Some
people
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 don'
t
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 know how to solve their
money
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 problems and feel stressed. They can meet an expert in finance.
For example
Linking Words
, some
people
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 learn how to pay
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debt
Change preposition
off debt
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 and don'
t
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 use credit cards.
Body paragraph 3
Finally
Linking Words
, the
government
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 can check banks and loan companies. Some companies have loans for
people
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 with high interest
.
Check wording
rates.
show examples
This
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makes
Verb problem
means
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 poor
people
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 can not pay them. If the
government
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 check these
companis
Correct your spelling
companies
, they can stop
this
Linking Words
debt
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 loan and protect
people
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, many
people
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 have trouble with
money
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 , but the
government
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 can help
people
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 ,
for example
Linking Words
: teach about using
money
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,
free
Verb problem
provide free
show examples
 advice and check some
debt
Use synonyms
 loans.
This
Linking Words
 helps
people
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 live better.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each point is clearly linked. Use connectives like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to show clear steps.
task achievement
Use more examples to support your ideas. For example, mention a specific program the government could create.
grammar and vocabulary
Check for spelling errors and grammar mistakes to improve clarity. For instance, 'give' should be 'gives' in the first paragraph.
positive point
The introduction clearly states the issue and the government role, which is a good start.
positive point
The essay has a clear structure with paragraphs, showing organization.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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