IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Despite a large number of gyms, a serentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest?

In
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
 world, despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a large number of
gyms
Use synonyms
, many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have chosen a sedentary lifestyle.
This
Linking Words
 trend can cause a lot of mental and physical problems in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals, which the government and
authoreties
Correct your spelling
authorities
 should take
some
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
measures to tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is undeniable that
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
 lifestyle can lead to a
numoures
Correct your spelling
number
 of mental and physical issues. Indeed, growing
socail
Correct your spelling
social
 media and online
gyms
Use synonyms
 have encouraged
people
Use synonyms
 to spend their pastime activities alone,
such
Linking Words
 as
sit
Wrong verb form
sitting
show examples
 at their home and still
communicate
Wrong verb form
communicating
show examples
 with others or
enjoy from
Wrong verb form
enjoying
show examples
 a fun online
Use synonyms
gyms
Fix the agreement mistake
gym
show examples
. Unfortunately, researchers have warned about
this
Linking Words
 kind of living, which in the long term will have a detrimental
effects
Fix the agreement mistake
effect
show examples
 on the
individuals
Check wording
individual's
show examples
 mental
, like
Check wording
health, like
show examples
depresion
Correct your spelling
depression
 or
suiced
Correct your spelling
suicide
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the other more likely consequence of
this
Linking Words
 trend is physical problems, particularly in children.
For instance
Linking Words
,
provided statistics
Correct word order
statistics provided
show examples
 by
WHO
Correct article usage
the WHO
show examples
Institue
Use the right word
Institute
show examples
 showed
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
that in recent decades, obesity has significantly increased among children
in ages
Change preposition
aged
show examples
 between 9 to 12 years old. To address
this
Linking Words
 issue, some steps must be taken by the government and
outhareties
Correct your spelling
authorities
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
governmant
Correct your spelling
government
 can play a vital role in
encoraging peolpe
Correct your spelling
encouraging people
 to attend social activities.
For example
Linking Words
,
organizing
Use the right word
organising
show examples
 festivals and
ceremonyies
Correct your spelling
ceremonies
 with outstanding
people
Use synonyms
 can be a great way to attract a lot of
attentions
Fix the agreement mistake
attention
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
authareties
Correct your spelling
authorities
 may easily solve
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 problems by just involving
people
Use synonyms
 in the
voulantry
Correct your spelling
voluntary
practical events.
For example
Linking Words
, creating
Correct article usage
an environmetal
show examples
environmetal campegin
Correct your spelling
environmental campaign
 to clear beach debris would be more
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
 to
attend
Verb problem
attract
show examples
peole
Correct your spelling
people
 in social and physical
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
. In conclusion, modern life and
developing
Replace the word
development
show examples
 in the
gyms
Use synonyms
 lead to
people
Use synonyms
alonness
Correct your spelling
lonely
 life, which
will be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
associate
Replace the word
associated
show examples
 with physical and mental issues. To solve
this
Linking Words
 issue
both
Punctuation problem
, both
show examples
 governments and
outhareties
Correct your spelling
authorities
 should
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
 efforts to mitigate that.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly define your main points in the introduction and expand on them in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
Pay attention to spelling and grammar errors to improve the overall clarity of your writing.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support your main points.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to make connections between ideas in your writing.
task achievement
You identified important issues related to a sedentary lifestyle.
task achievement
Your understanding of the role of government in addressing health issues is commendable.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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