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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, university students live at home, while in other countries, university students go to other cities rather than live with their family. Do you think the benefits of living away from home outweigh the disadvantages?

Currently, there is much discussion with regard to accommodation for students during university life. It is argued that students living in other towns
better
Verb problem
are better
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than
Rephrase
off than
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 staying with their parents. The desirable and undesirable impacts of
this
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 issue will be explained in
this
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 essay. Personally, despite the fact that
this
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 trend has some drawbacks, I am convinced that there are a greater number of benefits. On the one side of the argument, there are various drawbacks associated with living far away from their family
while
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study
Replace the word
studying
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 in universities. One significant disadvantage is that the expenditures will increase more
that
Correct word choice
than
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 staying in their house. To illustrate, if they live in other towns
so
Change preposition
apply
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that they must rent
house
Correct article usage
a house
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 or
room
Correct article usage
a room
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 for living
which
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, which
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 will increase their money for paying monthly
.
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expenses.
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 An additional demerit is that some families do not have money for rent
individual
Correct article usage
an individual
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 space for their children
which
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, which
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 leads to
Correct article usage
a lose
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lose
Replace the word
loss
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privacy
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of privacy
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.
On the other hand
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, I would argue that these disadvantages are outweighed by the desirable impacts
,
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.
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 One of the obvious advantages of
this
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 issue is that they will get time to spend with their friends more than staying
in
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at
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their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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home.
For example
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, University life
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
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 with parties
which
Correct word choice
where
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 students can travel or party
whatever
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wherever
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 they want because the accommodations
near
Verb problem
are near
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 universities. Another positive aspect is that their responsibility will rise more than living with parents ,
such
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 as
;
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:
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they have to plan when they must read a book or clean their rooms
with out
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without
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 command
form
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from
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 their mothers or fathers. All
the
Correct article usage
apply
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things considered, I would like to reiterate that despite some negative aspects, it seems to me that the benefits of living in other cities
while
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 studying at universities are more significant for the reasons mentioned above.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly define the advantages and disadvantages in separate paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid long sentences and focus on clear and simple sentences.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points, such as personal experiences or statistics.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You made a good effort to present both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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