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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the percentage of the population living in cities in four different countries from 1970 to 2040.

The graph below shows the percentage of the population living in cities in four different countries from 1970 to 2040.
The line chart illustrates how the proportion of dwellers living in cities changed from 1970 to 2030 and predicts the future development in 10 years.
Overall
Linking Words
, the share of urban
residents
Use synonyms
 in
four
Correct article usage
the four
show examples
 countries has a rising trend.
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
The Philippines
show examples
 accounted for the highest share of
citizens
Use synonyms
 at the very beginning,
whereas
Linking Words
Malaysia
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 showed a rapid
increasement
Correct your spelling
increase
,
Linking Words
finally
Correct word choice
and finally
show examples
 reached the greatest
ratio
Use synonyms
 of the population living in cities. In 1970, the
rate
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 of
citizens
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 was the highest, accounting for around 32% of the total population. With negligible differences,
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 ranked
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second. The
ratio
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 of urban
residents
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 of
Thailand
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 and
Indonesia
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were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 much lower than the previous two countries
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 their percentage of dwellers
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 approximately 19% and 14%, respectively. From 1970 to 1980, the
rate
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 of
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
,
Thailand
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 and
Indonesia
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 increased slightly,
whereas
Linking Words
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 climbed quickly and overtook
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Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
. The share of urban
residents
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 of
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 rose dramatically between 1980 and 1990, ultimately
became
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 the highest again
at the end
Linking Words
 of 1990, holding a percentage of about 49%. During 1990 to 2030, the
ratio
Use synonyms
 of
citizens
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 of
Malaysia
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 and
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 grows sharply, but that of
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
showed
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
 the opposite trend, the
rate
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 has decreased quickly from 1990 to 2010. The
ratio
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 of
Thailand
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climbs
Wrong verb form
has climbed
show examples
 slowly
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the
four
Correct word choice
past four
show examples
 decades. The figure predicts
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
ratio
Use synonyms
 of
citizens
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 of the four countries will rise constantly in 10 years, the
rate
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 of
Malaysia
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 will be the highest (around 85%),
Use synonyms
Indonesia
Correct word choice
and Indonesia
show examples
 will rank only second to
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 (60%).
Philippines
Use synonyms
 and
Thailand
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 will grow steadily,
their
Correct word choice
and their
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 of urban
residents
Use synonyms
 will become about 54% and 45%, respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words residents, philippines, citizens, malaysia, ratio, rate, thailand, indonesia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "climbed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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