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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think parents should read or tell stories to children, while other think parents need not to do that, as children can read books, watch TV or movies by themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Today, there are competing opinions over the inclusion of different upbringing approaches which
parents
Use synonyms
 should implement to nurture their
children
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 some believe that reading
books
Use synonyms
 and watching TV independently by
children
Use synonyms
 can be a more efficient upbringing method than feeding the mind by
parents
Use synonyms
, I believe both approaches have their own benefits. On the one hand, independent use of
media
Use synonyms
 and
books
Use synonyms
 has two positives.
First,
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
's learning and creativity accelerate
while
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 watching movies and reading
books
Use synonyms
 independently
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 based on their own interests.
Books
Use synonyms
 and movies mainly contain lots of knowledge and information
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 can probably learn from them simultaneously by watching or reading them; so they can save their
time
Use synonyms
 and energy.
Moreover
Linking Words
, studies have shown that learning visual material is faster and deeper
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it remains in our mind long-term. Needless to say that those
children
Use synonyms
 who watch movies can recall them for a longer
time
Use synonyms
 in comparison to those who hear those
stories
Use synonyms
 through their
parents
Use synonyms
 or other people. Many
children
Use synonyms
 with the help of
this
Linking Words
 method learn a second language at a lower age and they
have been
Verb problem
are
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 able to be fluent when they are adolescents.
Therefore
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, learning through
media
Use synonyms
 and
books
Use synonyms
 independently helps
children
Use synonyms
 to learn a huge volume of information in a short
time
Use synonyms
 and recollect it for a long period. There is no doubt
storytelling
Correct word choice
that storytelling
show examples
 by
parents
Use synonyms
 helps them to build a strong emotional bond with their
children
Use synonyms
 and preserves the family
cultures
Fix the agreement mistake
culture
show examples
. These days
quite
Punctuation problem
, quite
show examples
 a lot of
parents
Use synonyms
 do not have enough
time
Use synonyms
 to spend with their
children
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
 would suffer from loneliness. Storytelling is an opportunity that allows them to spend a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 with them and support them with
affections
Fix the agreement mistake
affection
show examples
.
As a result
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, their
children
Use synonyms
 are less likely to suffer from loneliness.
Additionally
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, most
stories
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 choose to tell
about to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
children
Use synonyms
inherit
Wrong verb form
are inherited
show examples
 mainly from their
parents
Use synonyms
. These
stories
Use synonyms
 contain points
stem
Correct pronoun usage
that stem
show examples
 from family cultures that can
transmit
Wrong verb form
be transmitted
show examples
 from
a
Correct article usage
one
show examples
 generation to another. By doing so,
children
Use synonyms
 learn them and
transform
Verb problem
pass them on
show examples
 to
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 generation.
Therefore
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, telling
stories
Use synonyms
 by
parents
Use synonyms
 can build
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
 relationship between
parents
Use synonyms
 and their
children
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 maintain their culture.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
storytelling by
parents
Use synonyms
 and
independently
Replace the word
independent
show examples
media
Use synonyms
 consumption have their own advantages in turn
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 are worth it.
While
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use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of
media
Use synonyms
 independently
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
children
Use synonyms
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 a
fast-pace
Use the right word
fast pace
show examples
 and deeper learning, storytelling by
parents
Use synonyms
 can maintain the family culture and construct a strong relationship.

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task response
Make your introduction and conclusion clearer. State your opinion more directly in the introduction. This will help readers understand your viewpoint from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer linking words and phrases to connect ideas. This will help the flow of your essay. For example, use words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to organize your points better.
task achievement
You presented good arguments for both sides, showing a strong understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your use of examples was effective, particularly regarding learning through media and storytelling.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Storytelling
  • Linguistic skills
  • Bonding
  • Cultural values
  • Pronunciation
  • Comprehension
  • Literacy habits
  • Visually inclined
  • Vivid imagery
  • Educational programs
  • Digital formats
  • Autonomy
  • Critical thinking
  • Interpret and engage
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