IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that the parents of children who commit crime should also receive a punishment. Do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 a surge in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminal activities all over the world. Even the
children
Use synonyms
 have followed
this
Linking Words
 wrong path, and some of them ended up in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail. It is
disagreed
Verb problem
agreed
show examples
 that
parents
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 a punishment. Analysing the accountability of other parties
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
schools
Use synonyms
, and the lack of
moral
Correct article usage
a moral
show examples
 basis
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 notion will prove
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the educational institutes are
also
Linking Words
 equally responsible for letting
children
Use synonyms
 indulge in crime.
For example
Linking Words
, after a certain age,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngsters spend most of their time in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
.
Hence
Linking Words
,
schools
Use synonyms
 have various means and a number of people around an individual, who can notice
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 whether a child is on
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 track or not.
Therefore
Linking Words
, punishing
parents
Use synonyms
 for their child's bad deeds is not a solution to
solve
Verb problem
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, making
parents
Use synonyms
 accountable for
Use synonyms
children's
Correct pronoun usage
their children's
show examples
 criminal actions has no moral grounds in the eyes of
law
Correct article usage
the law
show examples
. To illustrate, in many
cases
Add a comma
cases,
show examples
 even
parents
Use synonyms
 do not know anything about their
wards
Check wording
wards'
show examples
 activities outside the house.
Therefore
Linking Words
, morally putting blame on
parents
Use synonyms
along with
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 has
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
no moral grounds
according to
Linking Words
 the law of
land
Correct article usage
the land
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
, accusing
parents
Use synonyms
 and punishing them is not correct and justified in any way. In conclusion, undoubtedly, accountability of the
schools
Use synonyms
 for letting students commit crimes, and the criminal law provides firm ground that
parents
Use synonyms
 should not be punished
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 if their
offspings
Correct your spelling
offspring
 commit some crime. In order to solve
this
Linking Words
 emerging issue, the police and child psychologists should try to understand
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
what
were
Correct word order
apply
show examples
the possible trigger points
behind
Correct word order
were behind
show examples
Correct article usage
the offenders
show examples
offenders
Check wording
offender's
show examples
 criminal action.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Make a clear plan before you write: a short intro that restates your view, 2 or 3 body para with one main idea each, and a short conclusion.
development
Give each point a clear reason and a simple example to show how it backs your view.
language
Check your spelling and use simple grammar. Use simple words to show your point.
stance
You show a clear choice not to punish parents.
coherence
You use links to show flow in parts of the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • parents
  • children
  • crime
  • punishment
  • responsibility
  • behavior
  • influence
  • upbringing
  • moral values
  • neglect
  • choices
  • encourage
  • care
  • teach
  • right
  • wrong
  • homes
  • external factors
  • poor choices
  • better care
What to do next:
Look at other essays: