One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

There is an argument that the benefits of development in health
care
Use synonyms
could overcome the disadvantages. Since nowadays, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
many
Fix the agreement mistake
much
show examples
research and new technologies in health science that can extend our longevity. In my opinion, improving
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
medical
care
Use synonyms
has more advantages than disadvantages.
This
Linking Words
essay will discuss both the pros and cons of the progression of medical
care
Use synonyms
. Making progress in medicine gives the scientist new information about insidious things that can affect our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
. So that they can think
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
way to prevent the harmful things.
For instance
Linking Words
, processed food or fast food has been produced and sold to many people for many decades. Recently, they have found that these foods have a negative impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
our body in many ways,
such
Linking Words
as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
high sodium levels, which contain carcinogenic substances. Because of that, if we avoid consuming these foods or eat less, we can prevent ourselves from those unhealthy things. Another example is that patients who have some disease,
for example
Linking Words
, diabetes mellitus, hypertension. When were have more knowledge and new technology to produce new drugs, we could have an effective medicine to cure or slow the progression of the disease.
Therefore
Linking Words
, improvement in medical
care
Use synonyms
could really make us healthier and live longer or even
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
improve the quality of life. In terms of disadvantages, evolution in medical
care
Use synonyms
sometimes costs a lot of money
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
some people cannot afford it.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it could be difficult to access
due to
Linking Words
some medical
care
Use synonyms
needs
Verb problem
requires
show examples
a specialist doctor to prescribe to the patient. In the countryside or
low-income
Correct article usage
a low-income
show examples
country, there might lack of staff. In my point of view, many people with poor income or
live
Correct pronoun usage
who live
show examples
in the countryside or
low income
Use the right word
low-income
show examples
countries might have a lower life expectancy than those who can afford it or live in cities or middle to high-income countries. In summary, I insist on my thought that evolution in medical
care
Use synonyms
could improve our life expectancy. But I am looking forward to that in the
future
Punctuation problem
future,
show examples
where some
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
of technology and developed medical
care
Use synonyms
could be accessed by everyone.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
Make your view clear in the intro and restate it in the conclusion. Plan what you will say before you write.
coherence
Break long, hard sentences into two easy sentences. Use simple links like first, next, also, but, so.
task
Give real and strong examples to back up each point. Tie each idea to the main line about longer life.
content
The writer shows a clear view that health care growth has more good points.
content
Examples are used, such as foods and diseases.
structure
The essay uses a plan with intro, body and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • elderly population
  • health care systems
  • pension funds
  • extended family relationships
  • quality of life
  • aging population
  • economic growth
  • volunteer work
  • expertise
  • financial planning
  • retirement
  • age-related diseases
  • medical research
  • healthier lifestyles
What to do next:
Look at other essays: