IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

In contemporary society, in numerous nations,
individuals
Use synonyms
' life expectancy is increasing more than in the past. Some have argued that
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon poses serious challenges for authorities. Others,
however
Linking Words
, have claimed that if a community comprises more
the
Correct article usage
apply
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old
Use synonyms
people's
Check wording
people
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, it offers positive benefits.
Linking Words
although
Fix capitalization
Although
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 I believe that older
people
Use synonyms
 can lay a strong foundation
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 development in the
feature
Use the right word
future
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, their valuable experience in resolving challenges, there are some issues
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 requiring strategic plans to mitigate potential harmful consequences.
To begin
Linking Words
, older generations open countless doors for
individuals
Use synonyms
' advancement in their personal and professional
lives
Use synonyms
, as their worthwhile experiences present great guidance, empowering
individuals
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 and assisting them in struggling with challenges, from which they provide unique opportunities for
individuals
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 to make progress in their personal and professional
lives
Use synonyms
. As a salient example, during the Iran-Iraq war, experienced commanders not only led Iran to victory but
also
Linking Words
 prevented any threats from other enemies.
Hence
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, an
aging
Use the right word
ageing
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 society is like a solid foundation, enabling
people
Use synonyms
 to improve their
lives
Use synonyms
.
Conversely
Linking Words
,
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
growing older
Correct word choice
ageing
show examples
 population in any community brings harmful results, which impact various sectors of a country, including the workforce, economy, and healthcare system. To clarify, some jobs, like agriculture, need a younger workforce, since these careers require good physical condition.
In addition
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,
due to
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 the older generation's physical condition, they require more health services, leading to increased treatment costs, which sometimes necessitate government subsidies.
For instance
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, Iran suffers from a lack of young workers in management positions, which has caused traditional mindsets to slow the country's progress.
In contrast
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, other countries have improved their development by restructuring management and employing young managers.
Thus
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, the greater the proportion of older
people
Use synonyms
, the more severe problems the community may face.
To sum up
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, in my view, the benefits of an
increasing
Replace the word
increasingly
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 older population enhance and promote diverse aspects of society, positively affecting younger
people
Use synonyms
's
lives
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the side effects of it can bring about significant problems in managing a country,
such
Linking Words
 as financial problems and a shortage of young workers.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it is better to maintain a balanced population structure.

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task response
Make your main view clear at the start and keep it in mind in every paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Add better links between ideas. Use simple words like also, but, however, in addition to show how ideas go with each other.
task response
Give one more strong example and explain how it backs your point.
grammar
Check grammar and fix long sentences. Short, clear sentences help the flow.
structure
The essay has a clear shape with start, middle, and end.
examples
It gives a real past example to back a point.
task response
A position on the topic is shown.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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