IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that there should be the death penalty for extremely serious crimes, others believe that it is not morally, correct to kill criminals discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

Certain individuals support
death
Correct article usage
the death
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 penalty for major crimes, some are of the view that it is not morally just. Every country has rules and regulations to be followed by the citizens, so a form of punishment must be
metted
Correct your spelling
meted
 out to culprits, even death.
However
Linking Words
, morally, it is debatable.
This
Linking Words
 essay will look at both
stance
Fix the agreement mistake
stances
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. In
well developed
Use the right word
well-developed
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 nations, people are obligated to follow a constitution to the
latter
Use the right word
letter
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. Perpetrators of
high degree
Use the right word
high-degree
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 felonies must be tried in court
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 death must be their penalty.
This
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 would serve as a deterrent for several others, a positive way of curbing crimes in our society.
For example
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, in America, killing an innocent individual lands the culprit in
such
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 a situation.
On the other hand
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, people
also
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 argue that killing criminals is not morally right
due to
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 religious beliefs. All other religions quote their holy books
,
Punctuation problem
;
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thus
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, vengeance is of the creator.
In addition
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, it is believed that giving the culprit a second chance in correctional centres is a better way to deal with them than taking their lives. These people
as well
Rephrase
also
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 become role models for the youth as they continually share their stories to help the youth make better choices.
To conclude
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, extreme crimes should not go unpunished
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
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, taking the lives of the criminals is not the best option
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
this
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 does not sit right with morality and religion.

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Task response
State your view in the first line and again in the end to show clear stance.
Coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas, with simple words like first, next, also, but.
Content
Give clear and simple examples that fit each point to support your view.
Grammar
Fix small grammar and spelling so the meaning is clear.
Lexical resource
Keep words and sentences plain and easy to read for all readers.
Task response
The essay shows both sides of the issue and ends with a view.
Structure
There is an intro and a closing part.
Content
Some ideas are easy to follow and show a real attempt to discuss law and morals.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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