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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The diagram below shows the manufactuting process for making suger from sugar cane. Summarise the information by slecting and reporting the main features, and make comparision where relevant

The diagram below shows the manufactuting process for making suger from sugar cane. Summarise the information by slecting and reporting the main features, and make comparision where relevant
The illustration
state
Correct subject-verb agreement
states
show examples
 the method of producing
sugar
Use synonyms
 from
sugar
Use synonyms
 cane. Generally,
this
Linking Words
 process involves 7 continuous steps to achieve the final product,
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Initially
Linking Words
, the fruit is planted and allowed to grow for a year and a half, which is
then
Linking Words
 harvested either manually using a cutlass
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 or mechanically with a combined harvester. The
sugar
Use synonyms
 canes are
further
Linking Words
 crushed to extract
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 juice into a receptacle,
that
Correct word choice
which
show examples
then
Linking Words
 goes through filtration to purify the juice with a limestone filter.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the liquid is heated in an evaporator, evaporation occurs, and a syrup is formed, which is later centrifuged to separate the
sugar
Use synonyms
 crystals from the syrup.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the crystals
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 cooled, dried and kept in vessels.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
sugar
Use synonyms
 making is made up of 7 stages
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
thus
Linking Words
, growing , harvesting, crushing, purifying, evaporation, centrifuging and cooling and drying.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the first paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 0 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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