It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Now a days
Use the right word
Nowadays
show examples
, it is a general belief that a
child
Use synonyms
's development is mainly affected by the
media
Use synonyms
, pop culture
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
well as their peer group
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
some still trust that family is more important in order to bring out
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
in them. I will discuss both aspects in the essay below and explicate my opinion. First and foremost, with more and more improvements in
technological
Correct article usage
the technological
show examples
field,
media
Use synonyms
and pop culture
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
become an unavoidable part of today's generation. Youth all over the world
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
higly
Correct your spelling
highly
influenced by social
media
Use synonyms
influencers and
enterpreneurs
Correct your spelling
entrepreneurs
, where they try to
implicate
Verb problem
imitate
show examples
their lifestyles, by following the kind of things they do.
For example
Linking Words
,
their
Use the right word
there
show examples
is a plethora of young children who fall prey to bad habits as smoking and drinking, since it looks cool online. At the same
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
their friend circle and the kind of people they hang out with
also
Linking Words
affect their mindset to a vast extent. Most of the children
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
start using drugs and
wrongful
Correct word choice
other harmful
show examples
substances
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
just because they want to be
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part of a certain close-knit circle.
Secondly
Linking Words
, if we talk about family, it plays a very significant role in a
child
Use synonyms
's
overall
Linking Words
development. A youngster coming from a peaceful family is likely to be more jovial and mentally strong as compared to a
child
Use synonyms
from
broken
Correct article usage
a broken
show examples
family. For illustration, a
child
Use synonyms
from a happy family has highly developed cognitive and emotional skills and is able to deal with any kind of situation because he is highly
self-esteemed
Use the right word
self-esteem
show examples
and positive. Not to forget, a family
also
Linking Words
play a very important role in shaping a
child
Use synonyms
's character as well, by teaching respect for everyone and
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
certain set of
etiquettes
Fix the agreement mistake
etiquette
show examples
which makes them a better person.
To conclude
Linking Words
, both
media
Use synonyms
and family
is playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
crucial roles in
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
of a kid, but I strongly agree that family always has an upper hand in
this
Linking Words
matter because they are
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
line of contact for the
child
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Fix big grammar errors and spelling. Use simple, common words.
task
Explain both views with more clear examples. Do not just say things; show why they matter.
coherence
Improve link between parts. Use linking words well, and check each idea matches the topic.
structure
Intro and conclusion are present and the view is stated.
content
The essay tries to compare two sides and to give an opinion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: