IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Somez people think that governments should spend more money on sports facilities for top athletes. Others argue that this money should be spent on sports facilities for ordinary people. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some
people
Use synonyms
 debate that more funds should be used to provide facilities for the top
sportspersons
Check wording
sportspeople
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
 others are of the opinion that money should be spent on increasing sports facilities for
common
Correct article usage
the common
show examples
 man. I will go over both these aspects in the essay below and explicate my point. First and foremost, I believe that the top athletes definitely deserve the best facilities, since they are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
representing their
country
Use synonyms
 on a global platform and bring various medals and recognitions home. A top sportsman should be provided
all
Change preposition
with all
show examples
 the means
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
best
Correct article usage
the best
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 mentors, frequent training sessions and various
equipments
Correct your spelling
equipment
, by which they can try to improve their performance and can excel even more in their niche,
hence
Linking Words
 making their home
country
Use synonyms
 and native
people
Use synonyms
 proud.
For example
Linking Words
,
Bazil
Use the right word
Brazil
show examples
 is one of the most famous
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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 in terms of international sports and is highly recognised
Punctuation problem
, specially
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specially
Use the right word
especially
show examples
 for football. It
majorly
Replace the word
mainly
show examples
 happens
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 because of the government sponsoring various programmes to help players improve their skills.
However
Linking Words
, at the same time, I
also
Linking Words
 believe that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 more attention should be given to the health and physical development of the common masses.
People
Use synonyms
 should be encouraged to participate more in sports from
early
Correct article usage
an early
show examples
 age, and for that the government should organise some
fares
Check wording
fairs
show examples
 and tournaments, to increase awareness about
importance of the
Correct word order
the importance of
show examples
 physical activities and exercise.
For instance
Linking Words
, the chances of stroke decrease by 30% if a person
exercise
Correct subject-verb agreement
exercises
show examples
 for 10 minutes
everyday
Use the right word
every day
show examples
 and
therefore
Linking Words
, more
equipments
Correct your spelling
equipment
 should be added to
theparks
Correct your spelling
the parks
 and playgrounds so that they are accessible to
general
Correct article usage
the general
show examples
 population
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
,
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Punctuation problem
hand,
show examples
 will decrease the chances of obesity, diabetes and heart diseases in them. Conclusively, it is important for a
country
Use synonyms
 to train
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
professional
sportsman
Fix the agreement mistake
sportsmen
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 priority should be given to the health of common
people
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 more finances should be used to promote that.

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task
Plan your essay. In the start, say what you think. Then write two body parts for each side. End with a strong last line that repeats your view.
task
Make the point easy. Say how top pay for top players can help or hurt the life of all.
coherence
Link the ideas. Use words like first, also, but, however, and, then.
grammar
Check grammar and spell. Some names are wrong and a few sentences are long.
examples
Use simple, real examples. Do not add wrong facts.
structure
Shows both sides and a final view.
organization
Has intro, two bodies and a short close.
lexis
Uses easy and clear words.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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