IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Clothing that young people wear have a great impact on confidence so fashion lessons can be taught in their schools.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In
this
Linking Words
 age of
modernization
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modernisation
show examples
, a significant number of individuals contend that
fashion
Use synonyms
 and styling classes
be
Verb problem
should be
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 imparted in
school
Correct article usage
the school
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 curriculum so that it can
have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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boost
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their confidence. It is crucial to consider it as in the long run self
reliancy
Correct your spelling
self-reliancy
 and being confident help them to reach a great mile.
In
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From
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 my perspective, I ardently oppose
this
Linking Words
 assertion, and I will elucidate my position in
ensuing
Correct article usage
the ensuing
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 paragraphs culminating in a well-founded conclusion. To substantiate my opposition to the aforementioned notion, I firmly believe that students should focus more on discipline,
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 and excelling in their passion, be it academics or something extracurricular like sports.
By teaching
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Teaching
show examples
fashion
Use synonyms
lessons
Use synonyms
 in school can create a distraction. To exemplify,
CEO
Correct article usage
the CEO
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 of
facebook
Fix capitalization
Facebook
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, Mark
Zuckerburg
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Zuckerberg
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, wears
same
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the same
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 colored t-shirt and trousers every single day so as to not
make
Verb problem
let
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 his mind
wandering
Wrong verb form
wander
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 on things that do not really matter.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if children are really keen on taking up
fashion
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lessons
Use synonyms
, they do have an option
making
Wrong verb form
to make
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 up
to
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for
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 it in the future by following up on some
youtube
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YouTube
show examples
 influencers. Expanding upon some of the other, corroborating factors for my disagreement
to
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with
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 the statement, it is irrefutable that precious school hours
be
Verb problem
should be
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 aimed
on
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at
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 something that can't really guarantee a secure future.
For instance
Linking Words
, in a country like India, being a
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
model or
fashion
Use synonyms
 designer is quite
far fetched
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far-fetched
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
fashion
Use synonyms
lessons
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 can bring about some changes in outward
appearnce
Correct your spelling
appearance
,
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
 the inner beauty that children need to focus on in their growing years. I am of the conviction that above mentioned arguments strongly
bloster
Correct your spelling
bolster
 my viewpoint. The multifaceted nature of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fashion
Use synonyms
 requires careful consideration, and after weighing the evidence, it becomes apparent that focusing on
other aspects
Correct word order
aspects other
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 of
lessons
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 than
fashion
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 is the most logical stance to adopt in the context of our ever-changing world.

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task response
Task response: You take a clear side against fashion classes. To raise the score, add more direct reasons and show how this choice helps or harms student confidence. Give a short plan of two ideas and a short final view.
grammar
Grammar and form: Some sentences are long or wrong. Use small, clear sentences. Check spellings and places like names.
structure
Structure: Use four parts: intro, 2 body paragraphs, and conclusion. Start each body with a topic sentence that states one idea.
lexical
Vocabulary: Use simple, common words. Avoid long or hard words that may be wrong.
task response
You give a clear view against the idea.
coherence
The essay has a (beginning) intro, a middle with reasons, and a end.
content
The writer uses at least one example to back a point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • clothes
  • clothing
  • fashion
  • school
  • student
  • lesson
  • teach
  • agree
  • disagree
  • extent
  • partly
  • feel
  • confidence
  • mood
  • peer
  • peer pressure
  • trend
  • uniform
  • express
  • respect
  • others
  • group
  • ads
  • media
  • well-being
  • choice
  • option
  • inclusion
  • equal
  • balance
  • good
  • bad
What to do next:
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