IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, childhood obesity is a growing problem. What are the reasons for this and what can individuals and governments do to tackle the problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

There is no denying the fact that children are facing a problem
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 increasingly popular currently, which is over weight. The key indicator of
this
Linking Words
 problem is
over consume
Replace the word
overconsumption
show examples
 of
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
, and the lack of
parents
Replace the word
parental
show examples
 control. The officials should address a viable
solutions
Fix the agreement mistake
solution
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the consumption of fast
food
Use synonyms
 is
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 increasingly
demand
Change preposition
in demand
show examples
, especially for those under age, and
this
Linking Words
unhealthy
Verb problem
is unhealthy
show examples
 for them.
In other words
Linking Words
,
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 is the leading cause of heart
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
show examples
,
as well as
Linking Words
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
obesity. To
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 vast majority of the UK adolescents
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 tend to eat
junk
Use synonyms
meals
Check wording
food
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 are
fat
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people above 80Kg, with 89%.
parents
Fix capitalization
Parents
show examples
 should be held accountable for letting their kids eat that kind of
food
Use synonyms
,
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of observation on their kids that
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
let
Use the right word
led
show examples
 them
seeking
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to
fast
Verb problem
seek fast
show examples
food
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
in
Linking Words
Add the comma(s)
addition,
show examples
addition
Punctuation problem
addition,
show examples
 they did not
Wrong verb form
teach
show examples
taught
Change the verb form
teach
show examples
 them to value their bodies and health. In terms of solutions, states should raise the taxes on fast
food
Use synonyms
 restaurants,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
well
Use the right word
will
show examples
 lead them to make their own
food
Use synonyms
 at home.
For example
Linking Words
, many countries that have
25
Correct article usage
a 25
show examples
%
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
sales tax
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 restaurants
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have less consumption
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 fast
food
Use synonyms
 compared to those nations
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 do not have a tax fee.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the parents should
launched
Wrong verb form
launch
show examples
 a campaign
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the negative impacts of eating that kind of
food
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as physical and psychological diseases, like depression. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the high demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 fast
food
Use synonyms
increased
Verb problem
has increased
show examples
 the
Linking Words
last
Correct word choice
recent
show examples
 years, it is the
worse
Correct word choice
worst
show examples
 thing you can provide to children
, states
Punctuation problem
. States
show examples
 and
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 must
addressed
Wrong verb form
address
show examples
strick
Use the right word
strict
show examples
 rules for
this
Linking Words
 to
obtain
Verb problem
address
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem. For
recommendation
Fix the agreement mistake
recommendations
show examples
, the schools must raise the knowledge of the disadvantages of consuming fast
food
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
among
show examples
 their pupils.

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grammar
Fix grammar and spelling. Use clear and short sentence forms.
structure
Make each paragraph have one main idea. Start with a simple topic sentence.
coherence
Add linking words so ideas move from one to the next.
accuracy
Be careful with facts. If you use a number, explain it or avoid it.
examples
Give more everyday examples that show your point.
content
You show the problem of junk food in kids.
idea
You give ideas on how to fix it.
scope
You name both the child and the group who act, like parents and the government.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • childhood obesity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • balanced diet
  • fast food
  • sugary snacks
  • physical activity
  • nutrition education
  • health campaigns
  • public health initiatives
  • government regulations
  • home-cooked meals
  • extracurricular sports
  • digital entertainment
  • sedentary behavior
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