IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Do advertisements influence people? Discuss both views and give your own opinion

While
Linking Words
 many argued that advertisement has a strong
effect
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 on the audience because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 may involve a certain thing that catches the audience's attention, others believe that it doesn'
t
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 have any
effect
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, as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 may appear at the wrong time or place.
This
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 essay will discuss both opinions and include my perspective.
To begin
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 with, some people think that contemporary commercials have a strong
effect
Use synonyms
 on the citizens, and that by catching their attention, through including some of their interests and
attract
Wrong verb form
attracting
show examples
 them.
For example
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,
Nike
Correct article usage
the Nike
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 company in California, USA, made an
ad
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 that was targeting Gen Z; they included a famous
music
Check wording
song
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between
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among
show examples
 the Teens and it exploded.
On the other hand
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, others argued that
ad
Use synonyms
 is useless and doesn'
t
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 have any
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
effect
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. Their argument is basically that commercials always appear
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the wrong time
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
leeds
Correct your spelling
leads
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the targeted audience to ignore
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Fot
Correct your spelling
For
 instance, statistics
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 conducted by the administration of
youtube
Use the right word
YouTube
show examples
, they
notice
Wrong verb form
noticed
show examples
 that huge numbers of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
users don'
t
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give
Verb problem
pay
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 attention to the
ad
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,which
prove
Correct subject-verb agreement
proves
show examples
 the main point that advertisements don'
t
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 have any
effects
Fix the agreement mistake
effect
show examples
 In conclusion,
this
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 essay shows that promotions can have a
two sided
Use the right word
two-sided
show examples
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
, and that
depend
Correct subject-verb agreement
depends
show examples
 on how the commercial is conducted
, in
Punctuation problem
. In
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
addition, a good
ad
Use synonyms
 should
includes
Wrong verb form
include
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
targetting
Correct your spelling
targeting
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 activities and interests, but if it
does appear
Wrong verb form
appears
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the wrong
time
Punctuation problem
time,
show examples
 it will have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
negative consequences.
However
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, I believe that advertisements
consider
Wrong verb form
are considered
show examples
 one of the strongest tools to promote a certain product, but that under the right conditions and circumstances.

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organization
Plan your essay with a clear plan. State your view once in the intro and keep it in the body.
organization
Use link words and topic sentences to tie ideas and help flow.
content
Give more detail for each point and use relevant examples that are easy to see.
grammar
Fix grammar and spelling. Keep to simple words and correct mistakes about 'ad' and 'youTube'.
content
You show both sides and give your own view.
organization
There is a basic structure with intro, body and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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