IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries students pay their own college or university fees while in other , the government pays for the people. Do you think the advantages that government pays the money outweigh the disadvantages.

There are many unions
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 that pay for the
education
Use synonyms
 of their country
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 in some places, children are responsible
to pay
Change preposition
for paying
show examples
 their own tuition
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
. I believe there are more
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
disadvantages of doing
this
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 than advantages, and I will explicate my views in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
Firstly
Linking Words
, when we talk about
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
 side, if
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 is paying
pay
Check wording
apply
show examples
for the children to become literate, it promotes the sense of equality since
students
Use synonyms
 of all kinds of
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
, regardless of being rich or poor,
girl
Fix the agreement mistake
girls
show examples
 or
boy
Fix the agreement mistake
boys
show examples
, will get
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 level of
education
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 in turn will increase the literacy rate of a country,
thus
Linking Words
 contributing
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the social development. Another plus point of having
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increase funding in pedagogical fields is that
,
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apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 can focus just on studies without
having
Verb problem
apply
show examples
being suppressed by the burden of payments, which in turn will give them a chance to excel both academically and professionally. Every coin has two sides
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
therefore
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, there are
also
Linking Words
 some negative impacts of
government
Use synonyms
-funded
education
Use synonyms
 . Many
students
Use synonyms
 do not value
this
Linking Words
 way of studying because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they don't have to spend out of their pocket,
hence
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 they do not make full
utilization
Use the right word
utilisation
show examples
 of the opportunity and may not work hard, as they take it for granted.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the money spent on schooling
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 leads to
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
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 funding in other social arenas,
such
Linking Words
 as healthcare and technological
develeopments
Correct your spelling
developments
.
For example
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
 of spending funds on promoting
importance
Correct article usage
the importance
show examples
 of having a healthy life, the
government
Use synonyms
 might spend it on educating the children who
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 might not even be interested
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
persue
Correct your spelling
pursuing
 higher studies. In conclusion, I would like to state
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that there are both positive and negative impacts of spending
government
Use synonyms
 finances in promoting
education
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 the cons of doing
this
Linking Words
overweigh
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
 the pros because of
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of interest of
students
Use synonyms
 in continuing their
education
Use synonyms
.

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planning
Plan your answer. Say your view at once. Then give two strong points for and two against with a simple example. Finish with a clear end.
language
Use simple, clean grammar. Avoid long, hard sentences. Check for small mistakes.
coherence
Use linking words to move ideas. Like also, but, however, for example, in addition.
content
Give one or two clear examples that fit your point. Numbers or real facts are good, but simple ones work well.
structure
Clear overall view and structure, with an intro, body and conclusion.
content
Some good ideas on how gov funding can help education and on what may go wrong.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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