IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Your department had been given additional work at a company you work for which is creating problems. Write a letter to your manager. In it - Explain what the additional work is. - What problems are you facing due to extra work - Offer a solution to solve You should You do NOT need to write your own address.

Dear Sir, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to express my
unhapiness
Correct your spelling
unhappiness
 about the new policy of calling all the customers in order to approve their car loans. To commence with, when we start our shift, there is already a lot of paperwork for us to do. We have to verify income, make sure that the applicants have
valid
Correct article usage
a valid
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 license and insurance card
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along
Punctuation problem
, along
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 with completing careful checking of the various other documents. And on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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top of
it
Add a comma
it,
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 we now have to call the customers as well. The major issue that arises
due to
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this
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 new policy is that we are being yelled
upon
Change preposition
at
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 by the applicants, that why
are we
Correct word order
we are
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 calling them to verify something that they have already talked about.
Secondly
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, we all know that we have to give
decisons
Correct your spelling
decisions
 on the loan application within 7 days, which is becoming harder, as the people do not answer our calls or hang up thinking us to be
spams
Use the right word
spammers
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. I really believe that the best solution to
this
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 issue is segregating the accounts that
seems
Correct subject-verb agreement
seem
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 suspicious and
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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call
Wrong verb form
calling
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 only those customers
instead
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 of harassing everyone.
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Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 the time frame to approve or deny a loan should be increased from 7 days to 10 days. There should be a
seperate
Correct your spelling
separate
 team assigned to make these phone calls, so that there is no excessive
work load
Use the right word
workload
show examples
 on the regular agents. I hope you will consider my suggestions and reply
back
Rephrase
apply
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. Yours sincerely Himani Jaggi

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task response
Task response: The letter tells about the extra work and gives a plan. It would help to add a little more detail about what the new tasks are and give a small example of how they slow work.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The text has long lines. Break strings into shorter lines and use a new paragraph for a new idea. Put the problem, the result, and the plan in order.
task response
The aim to tell about the extra work and the plan is clear.
coherence cohesion
The letter uses a polite tone and has proper closing.
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