IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Unhealthy food has negative effect on both individuals and on the society they live in. Some people think that the government should tax the unhealthy food while others say that fat tax is unfair an unnecessary. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is a common belief that
,
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apply
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 fast
food
Use synonyms
 has a negative impact on both an individual and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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. There has been an ongoing debate, where some
people
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 argue that
,
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apply
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 there should be
Use synonyms
tax
Correct article usage
a tax
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 imposed on
such
Linking Words
food
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 items,
while
Linking Words
 others are of the view that it is unimportant. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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notions and
will
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apply
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explicate my viewpoint. To commence with, there has been an increase in the popularity of unhealthy
food
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, especially among the youngsters, which in turn
expose
Correct subject-verb agreement
exposes
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 them to the risk of various lethal health conditions,
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes, obesity and in serious situations, heart attacks and stroke. To avoid all these complications, government should definitely impose some kind of
tax
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 on these
food
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 items, to increase their price that, in turn would decline their sale which is really important for development of a healthy
society
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, as, the
tax
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 money from
this
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food
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 can be used to organise the
food
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 banks, communal kitchens or free meal services for
people
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 who are unable to buy anything, but
this
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 cheap hazardous fast
food
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is a vast group of
people
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,
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apply
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 who actually are able to make a meal out of the fast
food
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, because it is less costly and easily available.
For example
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,
In
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in
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 Mumbai, a city in India, most
people
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 make their lunch out of a vadapav, which is considered extremely unhygienic and unhealthy because of the oil and spices it is made with.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if
government
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the government
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put
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puts
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Use synonyms
tax
Correct article usage
a tax
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 on all these kind of
food
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 items, it will be an
inconvinience
Correct your spelling
inconvenience
 for the poor section of the
society
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, who are barely able to earn
the
Correct article usage
a
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 bread for themself and their family. Conclusively, I strongly believe that a
tax
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 should be imposed by the government on fast
food
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 to promote healthy eating habits among the population.
However
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, the
tax
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 money should only be utilised to feed the individuals who are
soleley
Correct your spelling
solely
 dependent on
such
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 meals for their livelihood so that
advantage
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the advantage
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 of
this
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 notion outweighs
disadvantage
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the disadvantage
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, benefiting
the
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apply
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society
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by
Change preposition
in
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 every
means
Check wording
way
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.

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Task response
Task response: The essay does answer the prompt but some parts are not well built. Aim for a clear main idea in each paragraph and keep your view clear at the end of the intro and in the final part.
Coherence
Coherence: Use clear links to show how ideas go together. Try to keep one idea per paragraph and end with a line that ties to your view.
Grammar
Grammar and word choice: Use simple correct words. Check for matching number and verb form. For example, 'unhealthy food' is fine; avoid extra words that blur meaning.
Vocabulary
Vocabulary: Keep to common words. Do not use many long or hard words. When you are not sure of a word, skip it and use a simple one.
Structure
Structure: Start with a clear idea that you will discuss both views and give your view. Then have two body parts with examples, and finish with a short conclusion restating your view.
Content
Shows a clear view and plan in the opening and closing.
Examples
Uses a real example to back up a point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health policy
  • lifestyle diseases
  • obesity
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • diabetes
  • sin tax
  • regressive taxation
  • discretionary spending
  • consumer behavior
  • economic burden
  • preventative measures
  • nutritional education
  • health promotion
  • subsidies
  • socioeconomic disparities
What to do next:
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