IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In achieving personal happiness, our relationships with family, friends and colleagues are more important than work and wealth. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

There has been an ongoing debate, whether
the
Correct article usage
apply
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relationships and family
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 important to achieve the state of happiness, or
Correct word choice
if is
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is it
Correct word order
it is
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money
Use synonyms
 that influences it more. I believe that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 both family and
money
Use synonyms
holds
Correct subject-verb agreement
hold
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 their own importance in a
person
Use synonyms
's life
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
, the former outweighs the latter, which I will explain
further
Linking Words
 in
this
Linking Words
 essay. First and foremost, the family and friends are the
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 that provide us with the motivation and encouragement to perform various tasks in our lives, whether it is excelling academically, completing education, or finding and scoring a good job to be successful in monetary terms. Without help and support from our loved ones, we won't be able to perform any task well.
For example
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, the great footballer Ronaldo
,
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apply
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 was able to achieve
this
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 level of success and fame
,
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apply
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 only because his mother encouraged him at every point of his professional journey. Ronaldo is one of the wealthiest
sportsman
Fix the agreement mistake
sportsmen
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 globally because of his profession.
Secondly
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, it is rightly said that
,
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apply
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 "
money
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 can never buy happiness". A
person
Use synonyms
 might be a CEO of a successful company, and might have millions in his account
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
, if he sits alone
on
Change preposition
at
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 the dining table, he will be sad at
his
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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heart because there is nobody he can share his achievements and rewards with.
However
Linking Words
, on the
pther
Correct your spelling
other
 hand, a
person
Use synonyms
 might not be that rich, but has a family to go home to, is one of the happiest
Use synonyms
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 in the world.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
to conclude
Linking Words
, I strongly agree that family holds more importance in the happiness of a
person
Use synonyms
 than
money
Use synonyms
.

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structure
Use a clear plan. Start with a short intro that says your view, then 2-3 main points, then a short end.
grammar
Fix grammar errors like subject‑verb match. For example, 'family and money hold' and 'the one' to 'the ones'.
content
Try to use one or two own life examples. This makes your view feel real.
coherence
Link ideas with short phrases. This helps the flow from one idea to the next.
spelling
Check spelling and capital name words. 'Ronaldo' is capital. Small errors hide good ideas.
content
Clear view that family is more important than money, with a stated position in intro and in conclusion.
content
You give reasons and a real example to show your point.
content
You show balance by saying both things have power but family is more.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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