IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people get into debt by buying things they don`t need and can`t afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 buy unnecessary things
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
compared to the past. Even
this
Linking Words
 habit has caused many individuals to face
financial
Correct article usage
a financial
show examples
 crunch. Analysing the urge to mimic
others
Check wording
others'
show examples
 lifestyle and lucrative offers by the retailers online
as well as
Linking Words
 offline are the major reasons for
this
Linking Words
 behaviour. Looking at
long term
Use the right word
long-term
show examples
 financial goals and actions to achieve them could be a possible solution to
this
Linking Words
 problem.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 and foremost reason for
this
Linking Words
 trend,
people
Use synonyms
 are trying to copy fashion icons and high society
people
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, a large number of
audience
Correct article usage
the audience
show examples
 is following their icons on social media platforms, and they try to copy them in every way possible.
Hence
Linking Words
, they end up buying expensive fashion clothing and gadgets, as they want to
fulfill
Use the right word
fulfil
show examples
 their desire to look like their role models.
As a result
Linking Words
, they
loose
Use the right word
lose
show examples
 their financial stability and get into debt.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
thesedays
Correct your spelling
these days
, many companies are offering lucrative deals, which lead
people
Use synonyms
 to buy unnecessary stuff without
actual
Correct article usage
the actual
show examples
 need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 it. To illustrate, online websites,
such
Linking Words
 as Amazon, Flipkart, etc, give attractive discounts on various products on
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
show examples
 basis.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 are buying products at cheaper costs, because they think
this
Linking Words
 would save
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 money.
Thus
Linking Words
, they spend excessively on the things that they do not need
rightnow
Correct your spelling
right now
.

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task response
Add a short, clear end that answers both parts of the task.
task response
Give more steps to stop debt, like make a budget, save first, and avoid buying on impulse.
coherence
Use each idea in its own paragraph and add linking words to show the flow.
language
Fix small grammar and spelling errors (lose vs. loose, right now, thesedays).
language
Choose simple but exact words and keep a plain style you can trust.
content
The essay starts with a clear line on why people buy things they do not need.
structure
It gives two main ideas and a plan to help.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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