IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

he line graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph illustrates how many people participated in the five different activities at one social
center
Use the right word
centre
show examples
 in Malborne, Australia
at
Punctuation problem
, at
show examples
 5-year intervals between 2000 and 2020.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the two activities, table tennis and musical
performances
Punctuation problem
performances,
show examples
 showed upward trends,
while
Linking Words
 amateur dramatics showed
downward
Correct article usage
a downward
show examples
 trend. There was a significant growth in the figure for table tennis.
This
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 slightly climbed until
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
show examples
 with around 20, before growing by almost three times during the next 10 years. Musical performances started in 2005
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
participants
Use synonyms
 consistently increased to around 20.
Although
Linking Words
 a
slightly
Replace the word
slight
show examples
 increase between 2000 and 2005, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
participants
Use synonyms
 for amateur dramatics drastically decreased by
one thirds
Use the right word
one-third
show examples
 from 2005 to 2020.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
participants
Use synonyms
 for
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
 club and martial arts remained almost stable. The film club
kept to be
Verb problem
remained
show examples
 the most popular activity of the five
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
over
Change preposition
throughout
show examples
 the period. The
number
Use synonyms
 of
participants
Use synonyms
 for martial arts fluctuated between 30 and 40 during the 20-year period.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, participants with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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