The bar chart below shows the number of books borrowed from a public library between January and June 2023, and the pie chart shows the percentage of books borrowed by genre during the same period.

The table below illustrates the average daily
time
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(in
minutes
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) spent on different activities by
adults
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in two age groups (25–34 and 60–70) in 2022.
Overall
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, it can be observed that the younger generation spends much more
time
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working and exercising,
while
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older
adults
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spend more
time
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on leisure activities
such
Linking Words
as reading,
socializing
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socialising
show examples
, watching TV, and sleeping. In detail,
people
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aged 25–34 work an average
420
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of 420
show examples
minutes
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per
dayn
Correct your spelling
day
,which is more than three times
than
Correct word choice
that
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those
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of those
show examples
people
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aged 60-70 who spend just 120
minutes
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per
day
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.
Also
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Yonger
Correct your spelling
younger
generation
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
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approximately 40
minutes
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per
day
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,
while
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older
Correct article usage
the older
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generation
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
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less than
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
around
Punctuation problem
, around
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10
minutes
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reach to 30
.
Check wording
minutes.
show examples
On the other hand
Linking Words
, older
people
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spend farmore
time
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watching TV 180
minutes
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a
day
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more than younger
adults
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twice
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
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Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
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older
adults
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sleeping
Wrong verb form
sleep
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around 480
minutes
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more than younger
people
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450
Punctuation problem
, 450
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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is a
slightly different
Replace the word
slight difference
show examples
.
Moreover
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Add a comma
,
show examples
older
people
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reading
Wrong verb form
read
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roughly 60
minutes
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per
day
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,
while
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younger
adults
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reading
Wrong verb form
read
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less than older
people
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around
Punctuation problem
, around
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30
minutes
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, older
adults
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spend more
time
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socializing
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socialising
show examples
80
Punctuation problem
, 80
show examples
minutes
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,
while
Linking Words
younger
adults
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get 60
minutes
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, minutes, adults, people, day with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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