IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

SOME PEOPE SAYS TAHT CHILD HAS A INFLUENCE OF THEIR FAMILY BUT OTHER SAID THAT OUTSIDE PEOPLE HAS MORE DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE

THERE HAS BEEN A GREAT UPSURGE IN
CHILD
Use synonyms
 CARE AND SOME
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
 ARGUE THAT FAMILY HAS
Correct article usage
A
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GOOD IMPACT ON
CHILD
Use synonyms
 DEVELOPMENT,
WHILE
Linking Words
 OTHER SAYS
TAHT
Correct your spelling
THAT
 PEER HAS A GREAT INFLUENCE ON
THE
Correct article usage
apply
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CHILD
Use synonyms
 GROWTH.
THIS
Linking Words
ESSAY
Use synonyms
 DEVELOP
IN
Change preposition
ON
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THE
Correct article usage
apply
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BOTH
SIDE
Fix the agreement mistake
SIDES
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 SO I AM PARTIALLY AGREE WITH THE STATEMENT, I AM GOING TO DISCUSS
THIS
Linking Words
ESSAY
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 IN THE UPCOMING PARAGRAPH TO SUPPORT MY VIEWS.
TO BEGIN
Linking Words
 WITH, FIRST OF ALL FAMILY IS THE FIRST SCHOOL OF THE EVERY CHILDREN BECAUSE HE OR SHE CAN LEARN ALOT OF THINGS FROM THEIR FAMILY MEMBERS BECAUSE IN THE FAMILY THERE ARE DIFFERENT TYPES OF THE
PEOPLE
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 LIKE YOUNGER , OLDER, AND GRAND PERENTS SO A NEW BORN BABY CAN GRASP A FLOOD OF KNOWLEDE FORM THEIR MEMBERS, FOR INSTANT THEY CAN LEARN HOW TO DEAL WITH SITUATIONS FOR MONEY SAVING AND HOW TO BUILD A HAPPY FAMILY, BECAUSE OF THESE THING THEY CAN APPLY IN THEIR FUTURE LIFE TO OVERCOME THESE SITUATIONS.
ON THE OTHER HAND
Linking Words
, PEERS HAS A GREAT INFULANE ON
CHILD
Use synonyms
 DEVELOPMENT BECUASE WITH THE HELP OF THEIR SAME AGE
PEOPLE
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 , PUPILS COULD learn a lot OF THINGS LIKE COMMUNICATION, COOPERATION AND competition. BY DOING THESE, THEY CAN GET SUCESS IN THEIR LIFE, BECAUSE IN
THIS
Linking Words
 MODERN era,
childrenCHILD
Correct your spelling
children
 have to compete WITH THEIR PEERS TO achieve GOOD SUCCESS IN THEIR LIFE.
FOR example
Linking Words
 , BY PLAYING A GAME OR
JOIN A GROUP
Use the right word
joining a group
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 OF children COULD learn these things
SO
Punctuation problem
, SO
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 THEY CAN GET CONFIDENT AND self-esteem to do ANY KIND OF WORK. AFTER PONDERING A GREAT DEAL OF THOUGHTS IN THE
ESSAY
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, I WOULD LIKE
TO CONCLUDE
Linking Words
THIS
Linking Words
ESSAY
Use synonyms
 THAT
ON
Change preposition
apply
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THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE
CHILD
Use synonyms
 FAMILY HAS MORE INFLUENCE RATHER THAN
A
Correct article usage
THE
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 OUTSIDE, BECAUSE PARENTS CAN TEACH THEM HOW TO RESPECT AND BE POLITE WITH
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
 , PEERS DO NOT DO THAT.

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language
Fix spelling and grammar; many errors make ideas hard to follow.
task response
Make your main point clear in the first paragraph and stay with it in each paragraph.
coherence
Use simple linking words to guide the reader: firstly, also, but, therefore.
development
Give clear examples and explain how they support your point.
content
The essay shows you have tried to discuss both sides.
structure
There is a conclusion that states your view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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