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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own decisions is likely to result in a society of individualism. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss.

There has been an ongoing debate about
,
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apply
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 whether the children should be allowed to make their own
decisons
Correct your spelling
decisions
 or not. Some individuals think that it will cause individualism in
society
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society,
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while
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,
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 others consider it crucial for the
overall
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devepment
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development
 of the kids. In
this
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 essay , I will discuss both
the
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points and will explicate my views. To commence with,
youngsters
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youngsters,
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 especially
teenagers
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teenagers,
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 are mostly in a very vulnerable state of mind, and are usually overwhelmed with their emotions.
Therefore
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, there is a very high probability that
,
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 they can make wrong decisions
due to
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lack
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a lack
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 of clarity and vision to see the distant future.
Therefore
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, they become
self-centered
Use the right word
self-centred
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 and think only about what they like or prefer.
For example
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, if a child gets everything
according to
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 their own will
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such
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, such
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 as
,
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 clothes,
meal
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meals
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, etc, they will develop unrealistic expectations without any sense of gratitude because
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 they
dont
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don't
 have to struggle for anything.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 some positive aspects of letting pupils decide for themselves. If they are allowed to make their own choices, it enhances their self-confidence
,
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 and makes them more independent. It expands their horizon of thinking,
that
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which
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 in turn will encourage
the
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open-mindedness, which is very important in today's society.
For instance
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, if a child makes a bad call, the consequences will help him make
do
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better
in
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calls in
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 the long run.
However
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, if they are never permitted to make any choices, they will always be dependent on others to
decide
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make decisions
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from
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for
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 them. Henceforth,
to conclude
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, I would say that there are both
the
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positive and negative impacts of allowing a young one to make all decisions by themselves.
However
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, the positive side outweighs the negative since
,
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 it encourages the social and intellectual
devepment
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development
 in them
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thus
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, thus
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,
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apply
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 making them more free and responsible.

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grammar
Improve grammar and punctuation. Check spelling and use full stops and commas correctly to help the flow of ideas.
coherence
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph and use linking words to tie ideas together.
lexical resource
Use simple but precise words and avoid repeating ideas. Show how each point supports your view.
task response
Make your own view clear in the last paragraph and give balanced detail on both sides.
support
Add real but simple examples and explain them briefly to support points.
editing
Check for small errors in spelling and format, like 'devepment' and 'explicate'.
content
The essay answers the topic and mentions both sides and your view.
structure
There is a plan with clear paragraphs, which helps reading.
support
Some examples show what you mean and help explain points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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