IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labour. Therefore, working hours should be reduced. Q: To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The development of Information
technology
Use synonyms
 has
been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
affected many sectors
including
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, including
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to
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apply
show examples
the way
of
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apply
show examples
how
Rephrase
apply
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the business operates. Some technologies have been implemented in
working
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apply
show examples
-
place
Use the right word
workplace
show examples
 to substitute the manual operations and
hence
Linking Words
 it makes the production process by the
manufactures
Use the right word
manufacturers
show examples
 or by the industrial
companies
Use synonyms
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
 automatically. For some people,
this
Linking Words
 automation can be beneficial because it can reduce the working time of
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 labour.
This
Linking Words
 essay will strongly agree with the
reducing
Replace the word
reduction
show examples
 of working hours and give
the
Correct article usage
apply
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reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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to
Change preposition
for
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this
Linking Words
 statement.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the main purpose of applying cutting-edge
technology
Use synonyms
 is to improve the
quality
Use synonyms
 of the
product
Use synonyms
. By using the
technology
Use synonyms
-based machine, the
manufacturers
Check wording
manufacturers'
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 aim is
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
product
Use synonyms
 output of the machine will be more
standardize
Use the right word
standardised
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, more accurate and less in
defect
Fix the agreement mistake
defects
show examples
, because the machines are
injected
Verb problem
equipped
show examples
 with
programmes
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programs
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 that make the output of the
product
Use synonyms
 meet the requirements of the company.
Hence
Linking Words
, the
working-load
Use the right word
working load
show examples
 of the labour can be reduced since the
quality
Use synonyms
 of the
product
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 is more reliable.
Secondly
Linking Words
, reducing working hours can improve the
labour’s lifes
Check wording
labourers’
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quality
Use synonyms
. In some cases, because the manual operations need
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
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 time
compares
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to the automatic ones,
companies
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 tend to make
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 employees
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 overtime.
This
Linking Words
 condition will affect the
Use synonyms
companies
Check wording
company's
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expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
show examples
, because the
Use synonyms
companies
Fix the agreement mistake
company
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 must pay the overtime.
Moreover
Linking Words
, by working overtime, usually the employee
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
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 to
less
Verb problem
be less
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 focused and it
makes
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compromises
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 the standard of the products
compromised
Verb problem
apply
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the
technology
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 should help people by means
reducing
Change preposition
of reducing
show examples
 time to
work
Use synonyms
,
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
 the
quality
Use synonyms
 of
work
Use synonyms
 and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 the manufacturers operate in more efficient ways. That
why
Verb problem
is why
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
implementing information
technology
Use synonyms
 in
work
Use synonyms
place
Use the right word
workplace
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 can reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
working hours.

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task response
The essay says what it wants, but you need more detail. Add how tech cuts time and why this helps workers.
grammar
Fix small errors and use short, plain sentences. Watch verb tense and noun form.
content
Give a real example of a factory or job where automation cut hours.
structure
Have a clear intro, then 2 main ideas, then a short end that restates your view.
strength
Clear view and plan to argue it.
strength
Good use of 'Firstly' and 'Secondly' to link ideas.
strength
Paragraphs show main ideas that connect to the main topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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