IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people they spend large part of their free time using smartphones What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Many
people
Use synonyms
 are now spending
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 amount of their leisure time using smartphones for different purposes.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 may have some positive facets in
strengthen
Wrong verb form
strengthening
show examples
with friends
Check wording
friendships
show examples
 and families, it
also
Linking Words
 poses drawbacks
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 developing both health issues and isolation.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are
couple
Correct article usage
a couple
show examples
 of reasons to address why
people
Use synonyms
 are addicted
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their smartphones. One of the prominent facts would be to communicate with friends and families on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 basis to give support if
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
needed.
This
Linking Words
 requires both input and output from the mobile
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is time-consuming. Another reason would be the need to connect with colleagues or leaders outside the business hours if the assignments are left unfinished,
may
Correct pronoun usage
which may
show examples
 require
assistant
Replace the word
assistance
show examples
 and collaboration or even
team work
Use the right word
teamwork
show examples
 to solve together. One positive facet
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 be addressed with
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is that it
enhanced
Wrong verb form
enhances
show examples
 and
tie
Correct subject-verb agreement
ties
show examples
 up the bond with friends and families. Specifically, spending hours on
family’s
Check wording
family
show examples
 conversation can develop trust
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is beneficial for children’s cognitive and social development. By having
this
Linking Words
 sort of advantage,
people
Use synonyms
 are more likely to find jobs with their interests
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is rooted
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
they
Rephrase
how they
show examples
 grew up.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, having excessive use of mobile phones can increase the
pace
Check wording
risk
show examples
to develop
Change preposition
of developing
show examples
 health issues
as well as
Linking Words
 isolation from groups. Health issues, on the one hand, can be a major issue if
people
Use synonyms
 are addicted
or
Change preposition
to or
show examples
 inappropriate use
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mobile phones. Symptoms like diabetes and eye
strains
Fix the agreement mistake
strain
show examples
 are likely to develop for those who spend a
pile
Check wording
lot
show examples
 of time on screen.
In addition
Linking Words
, isolation from groups often occurs when
people
Use synonyms
are spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 a massive amount of time on their phones.
This
Linking Words
 may lead to school bullying if schools
left
Verb problem
are left
show examples
 unregulated. In conclusion, I believe the negative development
outweigh
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
show examples
 its positive as
this
Linking Words
 leads to some unintended consequences in future careers.

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planning
Plan first. Write a short plan with 3 main ideas before you start.
structure
Make a clear topic sentence for each paragraph.
cohesion
Use linking words to show how ideas go together.
grammar
Keep sentences short and clear; fix big grammar errors.
content
You try to show both sides of the issue.
effort
You give some examples to back up ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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