IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Schools should not force children to learn a foreign lauguage. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Some people argue that educational institutions shouldn't force
children
Use synonyms
 to learn a foreign
language
Use synonyms
. I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, as learning
foreign
Correct article usage
a foreign
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
 can enhance their cognitive abilities
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
in addition
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
language
Use synonyms
 would be a significant help in their career. Learning a new
language
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
 can improve
brain
Correct pronoun usage
their brain
show examples
 abilities.
This
Linking Words
 development happened when kids challenged their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 to learn complicated things, like a new
language
Use synonyms
 which have
new
Punctuation problem
new,
show examples
 difficult
vocabularies
Fix the agreement mistake
vocabulary
show examples
 and
grammars
Fix the agreement mistake
grammar
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent research found that there is a small part of the brain that expands when someone
faced
Wrong verb form
faces
show examples
a difficult problem
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
this
Linking Words
 expansion can help other parts of the brain
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
work better and quickly.
Therefore
Linking Words
, challenging kids to learn new languages will help them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
become smarter and creative.
Moreover
Linking Words
, learning a new
language
Use synonyms
 is an important step to have a good career for
children
Use synonyms
 , since there are a lot of
high level
Use the right word
high-level
show examples
 courses and programs that require
multi-languages
Use the right word
multilingual
show examples
children
Use synonyms
. These programs can help them in the future to
get
Verb problem
gain
show examples
 different
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
 in businesses and
managements
Fix the agreement mistake
management
show examples
, which can contribute to their future .
For example
Linking Words
, a new study asked a huge number of entrepreneurs
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
what the most
thing
Correct word choice
important thing
show examples
that
Verb problem
was that
show examples
help
Wrong verb form
helped
show examples
 them in their careers, about 83% said that learning a new
language
Use synonyms
 was the best decision they ever made.
This
Linking Words
 shows you the importance of knowing another tongue
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can help
children
Use synonyms
 in their journey. In conclusion, learning a new
language
Use synonyms
 for kids can develop their ability to learn and think , and that
language
Use synonyms
 will be a crucial factor in their careers.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Fix many grammar and word use mistakes to make meaning clear.
structure
Start each paragraph with a clear sentence that tells the point of that paragraph.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words: also, for example, however, in addition, but.
evidence
Give more exact facts or a real source for big claims like numbers.
paragr paragraph
Keep to one main idea in each paragraph and end with a short idea that ties to the next.
content
Clear view that language study helps; the writer takes a strong position.
structure
Two main ideas are given with examples.
style
Easy to read; short sentences and simple words.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: