IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The fi r s t graph below shows the number of train passengers in the city of Sydney (Australia) between 1995 and 2004. The second graph shows the target for trains to run on time compared to the percentage reaching this target. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The fi r s t graph below shows the number of train passengers in the city of Sydney (Australia) between 1995 and 2004. The second graph shows the target for trains to run on time compared to the percentage reaching this target. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The first
line
Use synonyms
graph
Use synonyms
 reveals the number of
passengers
Use synonyms
 who took
trains
Use synonyms
ni
Use the right word
in
show examples
 Sydney from 1995 to 2004. The second
line
Use synonyms
graph
Use synonyms
 compares the
target
Use synonyms
 of
punctuality
Use synonyms
 for
trains
Use synonyms
 to the proportion reaching the goal during the same period.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident from the first
line
Use synonyms
graph
Use synonyms
 that the number of train
passengers
Use synonyms
 in Sydney showed an upward trend, increasing from approximately 250
million
Use synonyms
 people in 1995 to nearly 280
million
Use synonyms
 in 2004. From 1995 to 2001, there was a steady growth of train
passengers
Use synonyms
, which amounted to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 maximum of 30
million
Use synonyms
passengers
Use synonyms
 in 2001. In 2002,
Linking Words
however
Fix capitalization
However
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, the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
passengers
Use synonyms
 dropped to 280
million
Use synonyms
 and remained relatively stable in 2003 and
2004
Punctuation problem
2004,
show examples
 respectively. Turning to the second
line
Use synonyms
graph
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, we can see that the
target
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 of being punctual for
trains
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ni
Use the right word
in
show examples
 Sydney was around 93%.
Punctuality
Use synonyms
 rate
fo
Use the right word
of
show examples
trainsni
Correct your spelling
trains
1999
Change preposition
in 1999
show examples
 and 2002
fulfiled
Correct your spelling
fulfilled
 the aim. By
comparison
Fix capitalization
Comparison
show examples
, percentages of
trains
Use synonyms
 running on
mit e
Correct your spelling
MIT
 in 1995, 1998, 2001 and 2003 were close ot the
target
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, standing at more than 90%.
However
Linking Words
, the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1996, 1997
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 2000 experienced
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
 percentage, with 89%, 87% and 86% respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, in 2004 the
punctuality
Use synonyms
 rate of
trains
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 was only 72%
.
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 which was far from the goal of 93% In conclusion, the number of train
passengers
Use synonyms
 peaked in 2001. The
punctuality
Use synonyms
 rate of
trains
Use synonyms
 reached the
target
Use synonyms
ni
Use the right word
in
show examples
 1999 and 2002.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words line, graph, passengers, trains, target, punctuality, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the eighth paragraph.
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