Some parents think it is good to give their children mobile phones while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some people argue that
kids
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who have not reached the sixth grade should not
allowed
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be allowed
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to use cell
phones
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. Whilst I completely disagree with
this
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statement because in my opinion, phone devices are very essential and useful tools these days.
This
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essay will discuss why it is important to primit
kids
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to have mobile
phones
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. First of all, the primary reason for carrying a telephone is communication, and
that is
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a valid reason for allowing young
kids
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to have
phones
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.
This
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is because children can reach their parents if they are alone at home or outside playing and have an emergency.
For example
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, my sister has a 10-year-old son who likes to ride his scooter in the nearby park, and he carries a cell phone.
Last
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week, one of his friends fell off the scooter and hit his head. My sister's son was able to use his phone to call my sister and an ambulance. Thanks to
this
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fast response, adults came quickly and his friend received the help he needed.
Hence
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, mobile
phones
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are valuable for contacting others when needed.
Secondly
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, an additional reason for my stance is that most mobile devices have apps that can help
kids
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to
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apply
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study.
This
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is because parents can select learning apps that interest their children and supplement the formal education in
the
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apply
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school.
For example
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, A study conducted on a sample of 100
kids
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in elementary school by KSU in 2021 stated that the game-based learning mobile apps helped teachers to deliver information easily and improved the skill level.
To conclude
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, I believe
kids
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must have cellphones because they are very essential for communication and educational purposes.
However
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, the use of these
phones
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must be supervised by parents.

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task response
The task asks you to discuss both sides and give your own view. Your essay mainly gives one side. Add a short part to show the other view, and then state your own view again. Also fix small errors in words so your point is clear.
coherence cohesion
Your writing has a clear plan: intro, body, and end. Use a simple link word in each paragraph to show how ideas go; keep one idea in each paragraph. Try to make the link from one part to the next. Use easy words and short sentences.
strength
Your use of real life examples to show a point.
strength
Clear plan with an intro, body, and conclusion.
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