IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is impossible for governments to help all the people in the world who need helps, so governments should focus only on helping people in their own countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a view
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 that it is impossible to assist all the people worldwide,
thus
Linking Words
 all the countries should only concentrate on the well-being of their population. I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and will reveal my opinion in the essay. Almost in every country, it is an obligation to provide the necessary services like education for children,
health
Correct article usage
a health
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 care system
to
Change preposition
for
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 the population and so on. Especially when it regards those living in poverty, I think it becomes the
prioraty
Correct your spelling
priority
 for governments.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the part of the
econmy
Correct your spelling
economy
 which is gained by imposing a tax on working adults
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 should be allocated
on
Change preposition
to
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 supplying needs to
increase
Verb problem
improve
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 the living conditions of their own people.
For example
Linking Words
, someone might suffer from an illness and cannot afford to pay
billes
Correct your spelling
bills
, or a child who has
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 potential to become a scientist just
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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 not have an opportunity to attend classes. In
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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 cases, only
governments'
Correct article usage
the governments'
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 support may become the only hope for their inhabitants.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are now cases when most of the developed countries, where a plentiful life is observed only by looking at their annual statistics and residents, do not even
showing
Wrong verb form
show
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 an intention
about sharing
Change preposition
to share
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 support with the underdeveloped ones
'
Punctuation problem
apply
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. Since
,
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apply
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 we are the only humans in the world, and have a sense
such
Linking Words
 as empathy, we should be
oppened
Correct your spelling
open
 and
endeavor
Use the right word
endeavour
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 to help other nations if it is possible.
For example
Linking Words
, they can first send them some food and contribute
defined
Correct article usage
a defined
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 amount of money to improve their infrastructure,
such
Linking Words
 as roads, ordinary houses suitable for living needs.
While
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times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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 goes by, the aim needed before would be decreasing and the country which reached a hand of aim would gain the
beliefes
Correct your spelling
belief
 of thousands
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
. In conclusion, it is vital for governments to
firstly
Linking Words
 be warned
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
 of their own residents, especially if most of them are encountering issues related to poverty, but if they have
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
show examples
 to help others, they must do it as much as it is possible.

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task
Your view is clear. State your main idea in the intro and keep it in the body and conclusion.
coherence
Make better links between ideas. Use clear topic sentences and simple link words like first, also, but, however, for example.
grammar
Use simple word, check spell of common words and fix big mistakes.
content
Add one or two clear examples to support each main point.
structure
Improve the ending to restate your view strongly and give a final thought.
content
The essay shows a clear view on the topic.
content
You give examples to back some points.
structure
The essay has a basic plan with intro, body and conclusion.
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