IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is a good thing for senior positions to have much higher salaries than other workers in a company. Do you agree or disagree?

A number of people believe that it is an
intellect
Replace the word
intelligent
show examples
 idea to provide high positions to get
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
income
Use synonyms
 than the rest of the employees in the
organization
Use the right word
organisation
show examples
. Personally, I strongly I
adapt
Verb problem
adopting
show examples
this
Linking Words
 state, because most of the
senior
Fix the agreement mistake
seniors
show examples
 have more experience than the other
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, to make the fresh worker have a goal to reach the senior
position
Use synonyms
. First of all, not only high
Use synonyms
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
 got there job because they have experience, but
also
Linking Words
 they are prone to have higher education, which means more knowledge, so they are not the same as the rest of the
workers
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, they are accountable for the companies, so they must have more
income
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, if there are
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many people applying for
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 CEO
of
Check wording
position of
show examples
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 vast
Use the right word
organisation
show examples
organization
Punctuation problem
organization,
show examples
 they will likely higher someone with many years of experience and with a high
output
Check wording
level
show examples
 of education, because of
those
Correct pronoun usage
these
show examples
 two reasons
they
Punctuation problem
, they
show examples
 will get
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, if all
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of employees have the same amount of
Use synonyms
salary
Punctuation problem
salary,
show examples
 there will
not
Rephrase
apply
show examples
be
a
Correct article usage
no
show examples
 reason
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the low-level
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
workers
Use synonyms
 to work
hard more
Replace the word
harder
show examples
 to
reach
Verb problem
earn
show examples
 more
income
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there should be a
different
Replace the word
difference
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 incomes in the company, because it will
prone
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
give the employees
incentive
Correct article usage
an incentive
show examples
 to work hard.
For example
Linking Words
, if someone with a low
position
Use synonyms
what
Punctuation problem
, what
show examples
 is the motivation for the person to reach a higher
position
Use synonyms
 without
more
Correct word choice
a higher
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, there should be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different
Use synonyms
income
Fix the agreement mistake
incomes
show examples
 for all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
levels of
workers
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I believe that there should be an achievement for all
workers
Use synonyms
 to reach a senior
position
Use synonyms
 and that with the senior
Use synonyms
position
Add a comma
position,
show examples
 they will achieve a better
salary
Use synonyms
.

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task
State your view clearly in the first line of the essay and keep this view through the whole piece.
coherence
Use simple link words to show how ideas are linked, for example: First, also, then, but, so, in conclusion.
coherence
Make each paragraph focus on one main idea and end it with a short sentence that sums it up.
grammar
Fix grammar and spelling in many places; use simple sentence forms and short lines.
vocabulary
Give clear and simple examples that fit the point you make, and make them easy to see how they back your view.
vocabulary
Choose words that are easy and common. Avoid long words like 'incentive' if a simpler word works fine.
content
Your essay shows a clear view on the topic.
structure
You use simple ideas that are easy to follow.
structure
You have a plan with introduction, paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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