IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many university students nowadays live away from their home and their parents because of their university location, while others live with their families. What are the advantages and disadvantages of each situation? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is argued that nowadays it is becoming a trend among
students
Use synonyms
 to move to other places from their
parents
Use synonyms
 because of their school
location
Check wording
apply
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 approach has both merits and demerits.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both in
ensuing
Correct article usage
the ensuing
show examples
 paragraphs. To commence with, there are several advantages to living away from guardians.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 will become independent as they must do all their work on their own.
For example
Linking Words
, they must wash their clothes, buy groceries for themselves and cook alone.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they learn how to handle difficult situations without getting
support
Use synonyms
 from their
parents
Use synonyms
. As they are living far away from
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, if they know I am the only one here to handle my
problems
Punctuation problem
problems,
show examples
 they not only become dependent but
also
Linking Words
 will learn how to deal with life problems. These are the merits which connect with
this
Linking Words
 notion. Living away from
parents
Use synonyms
consists
Verb problem
has
show examples
 of few drawbacks
also
Linking Words
. As they are emotionally connected with
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
, they might feel
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of confidence without them.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 might
directly
Correct word order
also directly
show examples
 impact their academic score
Correct word order
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, sometimes children feel lonely and demotivated
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of confidence and motivation. Since they must fulfil their needs by themselves without getting any
support
Use synonyms
 from guardians.
Students
Use synonyms
 who live with their families have many advantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they do not need to focus on
other things
Check wording
anything
show examples
 except studies. As their
parents
Use synonyms
 are there for them to manage their routine tasks.
For example
Linking Words
, children get ready to eat food, no need to clean
house
Correct article usage
the house
show examples
, etc.
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, they get emotional and moral
support
Use synonyms
 from family members, which not only boosts their confidence but
also
Linking Words
 helps them to do well in school and sports.
For instance
Linking Words
, a recent study published
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in
Times
Correct article usage
the Times
show examples
 of India, that
students
Use synonyms
 who live with their
parents
Use synonyms
 perform better in everything
Linking Words
then
Use the right word
than
show examples
 hostel
students
Use synonyms
. But living with
parents
Use synonyms
 has some disadvantages
Linking Words
also
Punctuation problem
, also
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, interference is quite normal in
this
Linking Words
 scenario. As
parents
Use synonyms
 will force them during exams or before project deadlines. In conclusion, both notions have
it
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own merits and demerits, but in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 children should learn to handle life problems by themselves without asking
any
Change preposition
for any
show examples
support
Use synonyms
 from
parents
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 living far away from their
parents
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

planning
Plan your essay with a short plan before you write. Have an intro, 2 or 3 body paragraphs, each with one main idea and a small example, and a short conclusion.
coherence
Use clear link words like also, but, for example to join ideas.
language
Check grammar and word use. Some sentences are long or odd. Use simple and clear sentences.
evidence
Use real examples you know. Do not use facts you are not sure of.
content
The essay shows a balanced view by giving both sides.
structure
It has a clear stance at the end.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • life skills
  • budgeting
  • self-care
  • homesickness
  • stress
  • responsibility
  • social life
  • family obligations
  • financial strain
  • emotional support
  • personal growth
  • distractions
  • support network
  • challenging times
What to do next:
Look at other essays: