IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, children below 18 spend all their leisure watching television, is it beneficial or not, give your opinion.

There is a rising trend of
children
Use synonyms
 below 18 investing their entire
leisure
Use synonyms
 time watching television. I strongly believe
this
Linking Words
 is not a productive routine and
hence
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need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to be replaced with healthy
pratices
Correct your spelling
practices
. To
embark
Verb problem
begin
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on
Change preposition
with
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, one of the major
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
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 of
children
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 watching TV during the course of their entire
leisure
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 time is the increased health
risk
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 ultimately
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
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 their educational performance detrimentally. Sitting in an
unhelathy
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
 position and focusing on the entertainment unit, mostly accompanied by some fast
foods
Punctuation problem
foods,
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 increases the
risk
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 of obesity, high bad
cholestrole
Correct your spelling
cholesterol
 and eye problems.
Furthurmore
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Furthermore
, recent research has found that
such
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 lazy
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
has
Wrong verb form
have been
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 clinically proven
causing
Wrong verb form
to cause
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 severe exhaustion and fatigue, which eventually leads to poor academic
performances
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performance
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. Another critical issue with
children
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 consistently spending their entire
leisure
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 period glued
onto
Change preposition
to
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 television is that it
subsequently
Linking Words
 decreases the potential of learning and developing critical social skills like effective communication and
team work
Use the right word
teamwork
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. Since man is a social animal, developing these skills
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 of paramount importance
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 in creating friends and
polietly
Correct your spelling
politely
 expressing your feelings. Without developing these eminent skills
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children
Punctuation problem
, children
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 growing up
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 challenged by the increased
risk
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 of social anxiety.
For instance
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,
recent
Correct article usage
a recent
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 report published by
American
Correct article usage
the American
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 Psychological Association(APA) states that
among
Change preposition
apply
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75% of reported anxiety disorders among
children
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 misuse of TV as one of the primary root causes,
thus
Linking Words
 emphasising the need for reducing
this
Linking Words
 habit with more physical group activities like sports. In conclusion, I strongly believe
children
Use synonyms
 spending their entire
leisure
Use synonyms
 time on
entertaintment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 units
poses
Correct subject-verb agreement
pose
show examples
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
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 threat to both their physical and mental health
Punctuation problem
, majorly
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majorly
Rephrase
mainly
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surrouding
Correct your spelling
surrounding
 increased
risk
Use synonyms
 of body fat and social anxiety, respectively.
This
Linking Words
emphasis
Use the right word
emphasises
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 the need for increased need for involvement in physical activities.

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task
Be clear about your main idea in the first paragraph and restate it in the end. Do not drift from the topic. Add one clear point per paragraph.
coherence
Link sentences with simple words like and, but, also. Use one idea per paragraph and keep order: intro, body, conclusion.
content
You share a strong view on the issue.
structure
You give some reasons why TV use can harm health and learning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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