IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe zoos are good places for people to learn about animals. Other people believe animals belong in nature and it is wrong to keep them in zoos. What do you think? Explain, giving specific reasons for your choice.

Some
people
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 think that you are a good place for individuals to learn about
animals
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
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 believe that
animals
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 belong in nature and are not in their place. I totally think that you are not a good place to learn about
animals
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 because we can learn about
animals
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 by reading books or watching animal documentaries.
Furthermore
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, I believe that putting
animals
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 in zoos has a more negative impact than how benefits they provide. A
lot
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 of
people
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 can learn about
animals
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 from reading books. Nowadays, there are a
lot
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 of books that include a
lot
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 more information and details about
animals
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 than in the
zoo
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. Indeed, a
lot
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 of zoos don't give more detailed information about the
animals
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 that
people
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 see. Another way to learn about
animals
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 is by watching actual documentaries, which is really similar to reading a book but more advanced.
Also
Linking Words
, putting
animals
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 in cages in the
zoo
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 for
people
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 to observe has a negative impact in terms of a
lot
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 of
people
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 who work in the
zoo
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 don't know how to treat
animals
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 properly , which can lead to more
animals
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 dying.
In addition
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, there is a recent study that illustrates that most
animals
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 die in the
zoo
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 because of how different the
zoo
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 environment and compared to their natural environment.
Overall
Linking Words
, I think
people
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 who go to the
zoo
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 just to learn about different
.
Check wording
things.
show examples
Animals
Use synonyms
 is a really not a really good way to learn, I think watching or reading documents about them is very beneficial to prevent losing more
animals
Use synonyms
.

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language
Fix wrong words for the topic. Use 'zoo' instead of 'you' when we talk about zoos.
task response
Put your view in one clear line in the intro so the reader knows your stance.
reasoning
Give facts that can be checked and keep to the main idea. Do not add things that are not true.
structure
Use clear paragraphs. One idea per paragraph. Start with a reason, then a short example.
layout
End with a short conclusion that repeats your main view.
content
The writer shows a clear view that zoos may be weak for learning.
language
The essay uses simple ideas like books and films to learn.
structure
There is a plan of reasons in two body parts.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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