IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think parents should supervise their children’s activities closely, while others believe children should have more freedom. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In recent years, electronics
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 become the main entertainment method for
children
Use synonyms
. Some believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 should supervise their
children
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's
activities
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that
children
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 should have more
freedom
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my own opinion. Supporters of
this
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 view argue that
parents
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 should supervise their
children
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's
activities
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.
This
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 is because of the common possibility of
cyber bullying
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cyberbullying
show examples
, which can lead to mental illness.
For example
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, an
8 years-old
Correct your spelling
8-year-old
 kid was left unsupervised communicating with strangers online, some of these strangers were older than him and decided to
cyber bully
Use the right word
cyberbully
show examples
 him. From
this
Linking Words
 perspective, some believe
parents
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' supervision is important.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, opponents believe that
children
Use synonyms
 should have more
freedom
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. They claim that
children
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 should depend on themselves, which results in character building
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and improving
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problem solving
Use the right word
problem-solving
show examples
 skills.
For instance
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, a child who had a
problem
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 with an electronic game he was playing was encouraged to solve
this
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problem
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 on his own.
Therefore
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, others think
children
Use synonyms
 should have more
freedom
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. I believe that
parents
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 should supervise their
children
Use synonyms
's
activities
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, just not all the
time
Use synonyms
, because
cyber bullying
Use the right word
cyberbullying
show examples
 has been common lately, so
parents
Use synonyms
 should be careful, and supervising
children
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's
activities
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 all the
time
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 might be annoying and could lead to
children
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 starting
hating
Wrong verb form
to hate
show examples
 their
parents
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. A balanced approach might involve supervising from
time
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 to
time
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, allowing safe and fun
time
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 without interfering with their
Use synonyms
problem solving
Use the right word
problem-solving
show examples
 skills. In conclusion,
while
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 supervising was meant to protect the child, and giving them
freedom
Use synonyms
 aimed to improve their personality and skills, I maintain that supervising should be limited. The best approach is not interfering in
children
Use synonyms
's activity until
neccesary
Correct your spelling
necessary
.

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task response
Put your main view in a clear line at the start and keep to it.
task response
Give one good example for each idea to show your point.
coherence
Make one idea in each part with a clear topic at the start.
coherence
Use simple link words (and, but, also, then) to show how ideas go from one to the next.
task response
Shows both sides and gives your view.
coherence
Intro and end are present.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • supervise
  • activities
  • freedom
  • safety
  • well-being
  • risk
  • behavior
  • relationships
  • guide
  • habits
  • choices
  • experiences
  • independent
  • problem-solving
  • skills
  • confidence
  • decisions
  • consequences
What to do next:
Look at other essays: