IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many countries believe that hosting international sporting events like Olympics or World Cup is a great idea. Others think it is a huge mistake. Give the adaavantages and disadvantages of hosting international sporting events.

Several countries believe that conducting international
events
Use synonyms
 of
sports
Use synonyms
like
Check wording
events like
show examples
Olympics
Correct article usage
the Olympics
show examples
 or
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
world cup
Fix capitalization
World Cup
show examples
 is a great idea,
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
apply
show examples
think it is a big mistake.
This
Linking Words
 essay will articulate the merits and demerits of conducting international
sports
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
 in the following paragraphs. To commence with, there are several advantages of conducting
sports
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
. The first and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
foremost is that
people
Use synonyms
 get an opportunity to perform internationally. To elaborate
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, by hosting
such
Linking Words
Use synonyms
events
Punctuation problem
events,
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 many individuals get a chance to show off their skills and hard work to
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 attending
such
Linking Words
events
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 enhance their knowledge in the
sports
Use synonyms
 section
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 when they see the players doing their best to win and make their country feel proud.
In addition
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to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, when parents visit with their children, they can
also
Linking Words
 teach them about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
, so that they can start engaging in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different activities
in
Change preposition
at
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 a very early age
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is beneficial for their fitness and
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 body.
As a result
Linking Words
, it will teach a lot to the
people
Use synonyms
 and children.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to it, there are plenty of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
disadvantages
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 conducting
sports
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 the management. To explicate it, to
organize
Use the right word
organise
show examples
 these
events
Use synonyms
a
Punctuation problem
, a
show examples
huge amount of budget is required for all the arrangements
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as decorations, t-shirts for the players, food, and drinks for the
people
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, many individuals thought it
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 a
wastage
Check wording
waste
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 of money because the prices of the tickets are always too high,
also
Linking Words
 they serve the food and drinks at
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 cost
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 the
people
Use synonyms
 think is not worth
.
Correct pronoun usage
it.
show examples
 They prefer to see
such
Linking Words
 matches on their television
while
Linking Words
 sitting at their homes with their loved ones
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 they
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
much
Rephrase
very
show examples
 interesting. In conclusion, there are several merits and demerits of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hosting international
sports
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
. The advantage is that players get a chance to show their skills to the
people
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the disadvantage is that
management
Correct article usage
the management
show examples
 of these occasions is highly expensive.

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task response
Task response: Make your main idea clear in each paragraph and give a short view that you end with your own view.
task response
Task response: Balance the two sides. Give more detail on why hosting is good or bad.
coherence
Coherence: Use smooth links between ideas. Start each paragraph with a key idea and end with a link to the next.
coherence
Coherence: Keep to simple words and short lines. One idea per sentence helps.
structure
Clear start with idea of both sides.
structure
Intro and conclusion present.
linguistic
Some linking words used.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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