IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Machines have replaced physical work in many industries. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

It is common that physical
work
Use synonyms
 has been substituted by
machines
Use synonyms
.
While
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this
Linking Words
 trend will improve the productivity and efficiency of
society
Use synonyms
 as a whole, it
also
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 causes some social issues. In my view, the benefits of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technological development outweigh its drawbacks. On one hand,
machines
Use synonyms
 replace human beings in many fields, contributing to a productive, efficient
society
Use synonyms
 and individuals’ well-being.
Firstly
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,
due to
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 the
mechanization
Use the right word
mechanisation
show examples
,
many
Fix the agreement mistake
much
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 repetitive
work
Use synonyms
 can be completed by
machines
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, which is faster and more accurate than human beings, improving productivity and efficiency.
For example
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,
machines
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 can operate 24/7,
while
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 a person can only
work
Use synonyms
 for a much shorter time.
Secondly
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, it will help save the cost of production. As human labour
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 more expensive than technology devices, using
machines
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 in many areas is an effective way to decrease the expenditure of the enterprises.
Lastly
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, if people get relief from the physical
work
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, they can have more time to explore their interests, accompany their families, and continue their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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,
thus
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 improving their quality of life.
On the other hand
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, the replacements by
machines
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 may
also
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 lead to
loss
Correct article usage
a loss
show examples
 of jobs and lower service standards in some industries. Since the duties of employees are substituted by technology, the employees may lose their employment because their positions will be redundant.
For instance
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,
due to
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 the application of self-driving technology, many taxi drivers are
laid
Verb problem
being laid
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 off.
In addition
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, some service industries use robots to deliver their services, which may lower the standard of the industry.
For example
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, customer service
centers
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centres
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 answer the phone lines
by
Change preposition
with
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 artificial intelligence, which is cold and inflexible, resulting in poor experiences for customers. In conclusion,
although
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 it may cause unemployment and poor services in some fields,
mechanization
Use the right word
mechanisation
show examples
 is beneficial to the improvement of productivity and efficiency of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
, and individuals’ life quality in the long run.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon has a more positive influence on
society
Use synonyms
 as a whole.

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task response
Add more clear and full ideas. Give a stronger link between each point and your view.
coherence
Use more linking words to show how ideas are tied and keep your ideas in one main thought per paragraph.
language
Watch grammar and word form. Small mistakes can hide your meaning.
task response
You state your view and keep it through the essay.
coherence
You use some good examples and show both sides.
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