IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some believe that young people should follow the traditions of their society. Others think they should have the right to behave as individuals. Discuss both the perspectives and give your opinion.

Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
yongsters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 should follow the
traditions
Use synonyms
 of the society
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
show examples
 others agree
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that everyone has
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right to behave individually. I assert that both teaching traditional
values
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 giving
children
Use synonyms
 space to live openly
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 are equally important, and I will explicate my view
further
Linking Words
 in
this
Linking Words
 essay First and foremost,
traditions
Use synonyms
 are
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
show examples
 set of norms and rules
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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maintaining
Wrong verb form
maintain
show examples
 discipline and order in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they help inculcate moral
values
Use synonyms
 in
people
Use synonyms
, which brings peace in the surroundings and decreases social stigmas .
Also
Linking Words
,
traditions
Use synonyms
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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 us to keep the legacy of our
ancestoral
Correct your spelling
ancestral
believes
Replace the word
beliefs
show examples
 alive, and develop
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
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 of belongingness or familiarity.
For example
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 India, there is a tradition where
children
Use synonyms
 are taught to touch
feet
Correct article usage
the feet
show examples
 of their elders, as a symbol of respect, and it is common among all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Indians worldwide.
However
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 are so rigid about their traditional
values
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that they are unable to see beyond them. In today's era,
people
Use synonyms
 should be given the freedom to follow their own set of
believes
Replace the word
beliefs
show examples
, because the new generation likes to explore different options, rather than just following the preceding rules and regulations.
For example
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 modern world,
younsters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 prefer wearing western clothes over ethnic wear
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, some communities are still forcing their
children
Use synonyms
 to follow the old-school set of regulations and
stops
Correct subject-verb agreement
stop
show examples
 them from wearing
such
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 outfits. Conclusively, I believe that it is good to make
children
Use synonyms
 aware of their traditional
values
Use synonyms
, as, it keeps them connected to their family roots, and makes them more well-behaved,
however
Linking Words
, one should know when to stop enforcing those
traditions
Use synonyms
,
thus
Linking Words
, allowing them to live
according to
Linking Words
 their free-will,
hence
Linking Words
, maintaining a balance between both the sides.

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development
Your essay shows both sides and your view, but ideas need more clear steps. Add two clear reasons for each point.
structure
Use a clear topic sentence in each paragraph. Start with the main idea, then add a small example.
language
Fix small grammar and spell errors like yongsters, ancestoral, believes, and commas so the flow stays.
task
The writer shows a balance of old and new values.
structure
There is a clear plan with intro, body, and ending.
example
A real life example is used to back a point.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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