IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

In today's society, there is a debate about whether
teenagers
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 who break the law should face the same punishments as
adults
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.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that strict punishments will prevent youth crime, I disagree because young
people
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 are still developing mentally and deserve a chance to change. It is true that punishing young offenders like
adults
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 might scare them away from crime. If a 16-year-old knows they could go to adult prison for stealing a car, they might be too afraid to do it.
This
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 could lead to fewer crimes committed by
teenagers
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, making streets safer for everyone. Supporters of
this
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 idea argue that justice should be equal, no matter how old the criminal is.
However
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,
teenagers
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 are not the same as
adults
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. Some
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 showed that the brain is not fully developed until the twenty years old , meaning young
people
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 often act without thinking.
For example
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, a high school student might join a robbery because of peer pressure, not because they are truly evil. Unlike
adults
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,
teenagers
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 can still learn from their mistakes and become better
people
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 if given the right support. Sending them to adult prisons could expose them to dangerous criminals, making them worse
instead
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 of rehabilitating them. Another important point is that many countries already treat young criminals differently.
For instance
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, many courts focus on education and
counseling
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counselling
show examples
 rather than punishment with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers
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. Like
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instead
Punctuation problem
, instead
show examples
 of sending a 15-year-old shoplifter to jail, the court might require community service.
This
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 approach helps young offenders correct their
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
 and become productive members of society. In conclusion,
while
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 treating young criminals like
adults
Use synonyms
 might seem fair, it ignores the fact that
teenagers
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 are still growing and learning. Punishment should focus on helping them change, not just locking them up. A system that offers guidance and second chances is better for both young offenders and society.

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task response
Make one main idea in each part and begin with a simple line that shows the point you will talk about.
coherence
Work on the flow of ideas. Use small join words like and, but, so to show how one idea leads to the next.
grammar
Check word form and grammar. Fix errors like 'researches' to 'research' and 'twenty years old' to 'twenty years old'.
task response
Your view is clear and you state your line of view at once.
coherence
You use real life style talk and give reasons.
coherence
You end with a short finish that restates the view.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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